There are, it seems, some lonely old people, who are socially
excluded, and younger people take minimal interest in them.
(Which
sounds great to me. I actually look forward to a bit of peaceful
exclusion by young people, followed by a nice long peaceful spell
of
death. But I’m married with
kids) Anyway this ‘holiday/ retreat’
period that I look forward to doesn’t seem to suit everyone. It has
been repackaged as loneliness, A BAD THING. Apparently it’s BAD
ENOUGH to need a loneliness minister here in the uk.
It is sad but makes evolutionary sense why old ladies are cold-
shouldered by younger society. Their eggs are poached, and in this
world the reproductive drive is (or so biologists say) the hidden
engine of glamour and influence. Older ladies are a Hotel
California
for sperm, and genes must’ve worked that out. It is a pretty
shallow
rule, but no one ever said natural selection had to be deep, and I
guess it works. It decrees tight, plump skin, worth a s**g, but
sagging, folded skin: young man, don’t waste your sperm!
Old men, well, this is less clear cut, since they are meant to be
reproductively viable. (There is apparently a frog whose mating
song
improves linearly with age, and he becomes ever more desirable,
up
to death, which makes evolutionary sense, as his genes could be
pretty good to have got him to the age he is.) But maybe it
doesn’t
work so well for the average human male? ( excluding the rich and
famous.) Mick Jagger looks like a frog, though I’m not sure he
sings
better with age. Certainly he gets the attention of some young
ladies, despite a certain ruggedness of face. Maybe there is
something, acting like a soft focus lens, interposed between mick
jaggers face, and the young ladies in question. Is it charisma,
reputation, money? Whatever it is, it makes for love, which they
say
is blind..
Interpose between someone’s face and.. hmm.. Thanks to the
coming social revolution which is called “augmented reality” old
ladies don’t need to be left out in the cold any more, desexed,
ignored, rejected - because Old ladies don’t need to LOOK like old
ladies any more. Luckily the reproductive drive is easily subverted
by
technology, its’ simple rules bypassed, by technical fakery. (Take
porn. Any porn. Genes ought to say, young man, don’t waste your
sperm! But they haven’t caught up yet - maybe they will one day.
Look out)
So, let’s cut to the chase, you are in a newfangled night club.
Everyone wearing AR headsets of course. Permanently. The first
rule
of nightclub is, don’t take off your headset. The second rule of
nightclub is.. PLEASE DONT TAKE OFF YOUR HEADSET.
You may be a young man/ old man. You may be a young woman/
old
woman. SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF IS YOUR RIGHT AND YOUR
PRIVILEGE. (We suggest you maintain it)
You, nondescript young man, will not go home alone, that’s for
sure.
Maybe, on the way out, one of your mates will nudge you and say,
good luck with that one. I hope she doesn’t s**t in your bed.
(What’s
he on about? Did he glimpse under his headset?) But that kind of
comment is what mates are for when you go to night clubs.
And the next day, you will wake early, take a sickly look around,
and
be out the residential home in a flash, half-dressed. But that’s
what
young men do. Yes, this story is like Cinderella, only here
Cinderella
is the pumpkin.
Or maybe - just maybe, you wake up with the headset still on, and
you have a nice chat, about how modern life is rubbish and decide
to
get married. And your mum and dad will come to the wedding
wearing AR headsets too. And not give you a hard time, or even
look
squeamish.
And there will be no more need for a loneliness minister,
the end.
Ps There will probably have to be tactile additions to the elderly,
to
make this reality fully realisable. ie. body enhancement suits,
(basically add-on latex tits and ass). (Please come to my website
to
place your order. No concessions for OAPs)