h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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Several years ago my family wanted to get a dog. I was cool with that but what we got instead was a Jack russel/Chihuahua/rat-ling that thinks it's a dog and barks like a dog, but is really a bulgy eyed meerkat wannabe.
It has few redeeming qualities and even fewer dog-like chores it can perform.
It can't pull a sled, it can't scare off a bear, it can't even learn to not revenge piddle on the carpet.
So what can it do besides freaking out whenever anything so much as walks past the house?
Well, it can wag it's tail like there's no tomorrow so I figure it can at least charge my cell phone while it is out walking me.
A small bimorph actuator is gently secured to the base of the rat, er. dogs' tail which compresses piezoelectric crystals within the body harness as its tail wags generating electricity.
Small water-proof pouches on the harness allow you to let the dog carry your device as it charges, or a jack within the handle of the specially designed leash lets you keep the device on your person.
I mean, there has to be some use for this creature besides trying to lick my tonsils every time I forget to cover my mouth while yawning.
Right?
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Watt's it called? (triggers inevitable stream of electical
puns) |
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Will the phone still charge if you let it run off the lead ... ? |
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Put a swim-fin on its arse and watch it buzz around the lake. |
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A quick calculation shows that, if your dog lives for seven years or less, you'll get more overall energy from burning it than from a tail-generator. |
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Well, if it's a //Jack russel/Chihuahua/rat-ling // it doesn't deserve to see another sunrise. |
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The only good thing about a jack russell/chihuahua cross is that, if fired at sufficient velocity, it can take out a ShitZuh at 30 yards. |
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That is entirely correct, and would present a significant threat to
their well-being, were it not that they are always protected by
heaps of burlap sacks carefully packed with shredded, deep-fried
remains of unwanted molecular biologists ... |
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