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Non-squint Monocle

 Loosen that brow
 
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Like many slightly short-sighted people, only one of my eyes is dysfunctional. I don't want the burden of being bespectacled, but the alternative is too hideous to contemplate.

Unless your over 70, or an underground scientist, or an English gent in the courtrooms of the 1890s, a monocle just isn't a fitting fashion garment in this day and age.

I believe this is largely to do with the 'squint factor', as monocles must necessarily be clasped twixt brow and preopercular.

I thought about various monocle attachment methods. Perhaps a sticky rim (so to speak), which fixes snugly to the underside of the eye socket. Or some kind of hair-clasp attached to the top of the monocle, to grapple the eyebrow.

However I believe the best method, what with today's predilection for piercing, is to drill a small hole into the side of the nose and simply screw in the monocle. Easy, secure, and removes the side-effect of a Popeye-magnitude squint.

PS. Why is the singular for a pair of spectacles 'monocle' and not 'spectacle'?

—kpx, Dec 30 2002

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       //drill a small hole into the side of the nose//
Why not just attach the monocle directly to your eye, perhaps relying on the cohesive properties of tears to hold it in place? Oh wait, thats a contact lens.
—krelnik, Dec 30 2002
   

       Or, alternatively, you could attach the monocle to some sort of headband, which could be put on and removed without surgery. =/
—Pharaoh Mobius, Dec 30 2002
   

       You had me until it came to screwing the hole in the nose. Instead, how about an attractive row of piercings under the eyebrow, from which the monocle could hang like a shopkeeper's shingle?
—hinkle, Dec 30 2002
   

       contact lens?
—PeterSilly, Dec 30 2002
   

       Ooh, nasty. Reminds me of something, though [goes off to post].
—st3f, Dec 30 2002
   

       Like many people, contact lenses just don't agree with me. I want my monocle! But perhaps the health risks of the nose-hole outweigh the stability... hmm.
—kpx, Dec 30 2002
   
      
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