h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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A Plimsoll line shows how deep in the water a ship
is floating.
The Nike Line shows how deep in clutter your
house is.
The Line consists of a long, thin self-adhesive
backed transfer which is applied to any room of a
dwelling, but most usually a bedroom, vertically on
a wall at a fixed
height above the floor.
The vertical Line is marked at various intervals by
short horizontal bars, each labelled with up to three
letters. The meaning of the letters is explained in
the accompanying leaflet, from N=Normal, B=Bad,
A=Appaling, US=Unbelievably squalid, T=Teenager,
AND O=Oh shit.
When you can no longer see the OS mark, it's time
to move house.
Could be shaped like this
http://www.theoi.com/Gallery/S29.2.html
[pocmloc, Jul 20 2012]
[link]
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This sounds incredibly useful. |
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For some time, I have been employing an alternative
method that involves a fleet of variously-sized dogs and a
small Central American boy named Pablo who has been
trained to count ears, divide by two, and record his
findings on an x-y graph. |
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The Nike Line is an obvious solution for those without
ready access to copious amounts of kibble and marginally
intelligent brown-skinned children. [+] |
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(Struggles to see the connection with victory or the
Greek god thereof; is mildly irritated that a
theology- and brand-neutral shoe (Loafer Line?) was
not chosen.) |
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Sadly, none could be found amidst the clutter. |
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It is an epic victory when you have cleared enough to see the next mark down? |
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"OS" mark should be followed by "you stupid hoarder
you", for when the piles get as huge as those of
those strange hoarders, on the hoarder shows on TV. |
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Or in Tolkienish way: Start at Hobbiton, then Bree, Weathertop, Rivendell, And finally Cracks of Doom. |
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"Hello, Cracks of Doom Reality, Jesse Waldorf speaking, how can we help you?" |
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