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My employer, for some odd reason, does not to dock
employees who take smoke breaks on company time. Four
such paid breaks during the workday usually total about an
hour of paid but idle time. This seems a waste.
As most of the smoking employees also drink coffee I suggest
mixing one cigarette's
worth of nicotine with coffee grounds
in a standard Keurig capsule, the cost of which would be
covered by the employer with the agreement that said
employees would not take smoke breaks but remain at their
jobs. Smokers could assuage their craving without interrupting
production.
Dummy e-cigarette
Dummy_20e-cigarette
Blatant elf-promotion [8th of 7, Jan 16 2019]
[link]
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Or you could just pump nicotine (and other compounds) into the air-conditioning system. |
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If the capsule contained a much higher dose of nicotine, the company could divest itself of all those troublesome carbon units that won't quit, without having to pay any severance. |
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A caveat; some very talented and hard-working people can find it useful to leave their desk, and go for a walk, or sit on a park bench for a bit. This doesn't mean they're not working; they may find it much easier to think away from the noise, bustle and distractions of an office. Often, solving problems doesn't need any actual equipment - that's only needed when the solution already partly exists inside someone's head. |
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//mixing one cigarette's worth of nicotine with coffee grounds
in a standard Keurig capsule// That might actually be quite
nice. But not a substitute for a fag break. |
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I guess it depends on what work you do. If you're doing
manual work, a cigarette break is lost time. But if you do a
thinking job (as I do), cigarette breaks are when you actually
do the work, and time at the desk is just writing stuff up. |
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The downside would be how easy it would be to
accidentally induce symptoms of nicotine poisoning. |
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As a feckless youth I once achieved the effect by speed
smoking three or four cigarettes (I forget exactly how
many) shortly after the sandwich man had been. |
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Clammy pale skin, sweating, a green tint around the gills &
a definite feeling of unwellness. |
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I didn't even need to draw attention to how I felt, they sent
me home without my having to ask or even vaguely suggest
that I might like to leave early.. of course the symptoms
had all gone within ten or fifteen minutes of leaving the
office so I had a relatively pleasant work free afternoon. |
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Putting a cigarettes worth of nicotine in a cup of coffee
would be a really bad idea for me the way I mainline
caffeine, far too easy to repeat the feat without intending
to. |
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I suspect you'd have a lot of people who drink coffee who'd
have that problem if you did this, possibly even a few
deaths. |
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// The downside ... easy .. to accidentally induce ... nicotine poisoning. // |
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What if you want to deliberately induce nicotine poisoning ? No downside there ... |
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// possibly even a few deaths. // |
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Only a few ? That is a downside. |
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The strength could easily be adjustable. Just as commercial
coffee has "bold", "medium", "decaf" etc Nicoffee could have
"mild", "regular" and "swift kick" strengths in green, yellow
and red capsules. Selection would be up to individual tastes
and requirements. |
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//you could just pump nicotine (and other compounds) into the air-conditioning system. // |
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This would also greatly improve retention. |
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The tobacco industry needs to do what big pharma did
when they updated the image of meth by modifying a
molecule and introducing the world to Adderall. Tweak a
molecule of nicotine and give it a new name.
Call it some
kind of miracle cognition enhancement, weight loss,
mood modifier drug. |
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That just popped into my head. Nortazine by Remucon3
Pharmaceuticals Inc. As your doctor if Nortazine
transnasal nebulization is right for you. Caution:
Nortazine can kill you or destroy your life but since we
warned you there's nothing you can do about it. |
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Make it a Nortazine day! (Show puppies, laughing healthy
people, flowers, lovers walking on the beach etc.) |
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"Nortazine" is registered trademark of Remucon3
Pharmaceutical Industries. All rights reserved. |
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...actually just show somebody taking a hit of Nortazine and
a bunch of puppies laughing, flowers walking on the beach
etc. |
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^ Well, that would more likely be an ergotamine derivative rather than a nicotinoid alkaloid, but it's a good plan nonetheless. |
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//Nortazine// No no no. That will never do.
Pharmaceuticals always need two names. The first name is
always rather geeky, unpronounceable and bears some
relationship to the chemical structure of the drug - for
example "Trastuzamab" (yes, really). That name is only
used in medical journals and on death certificates. |
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The second name is how it's marketed, and is much more
important than either the geek-name OR its actual
effectiveness. This second name should have some sort of
implication of goodness. For example "Wellbutrin" (it makes
you feel more well), "Herceptin" (it's used for breast cancer,
which mainly affects hers; and it intercepts cancer cells) or
"Panadol" (which sounds like
panacea + alcohol). |
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"Nortazine" sounds like it might explode or something. |
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If it's any help, we just fired the entire MaxCo. marketing
team - I can point some of them your way if you like. |
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// "Nortazine" sounds like it might explode or something. // |
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Yes, that's probably what we find most attractive about it - some sort of metastable azide. |
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Does anybody have a drug specifically for
breakups? Not a drug that can be taken for
emotional distress, I know there are lots of those,
one specifically for somebody who’s going through
a painful relationship dissolution? |
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God, this industry is downright evil isn’t it? |
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Happitozil. Joylexomine. Euphoromax. Too obvious? |
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//Does anybody have a drug specifically for breakups?// |
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I think a strong laxative in your partner's soup will practically
guarantee a breakup. |
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^ That sounds awfully specific, I pity your (presumably) ex-wife, has she got
over it yet? |
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The jury's (literally) still out on that one, but [MB]'s bathroom visits are down to one every two hours now. |
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//Four such paid breaks during the workday usually
total about an hour of paid |
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Nyet comrade, 4 rollies = 16 minutes + walking time. |
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Predictably, there is an energy drink containing
nicotine in Japan. |
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In fact, there's probably more than one but I can't be
arsed to track them all down. |
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//The real solution is to get a vaping pen and some non
nicotine based liquids which you can pretend to smoke while
enjoying a free 10 minutes outside// |
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That sounds like the core of a postable idea. |
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