h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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One of the things that always seems to slow down bus journeys
is
all those interminable stops to pick up other passengers, it's
just so
frustrating when the bus seems to spend more time taking on
new passengers than it does travelling.
This is easy to solve, just don't! (stop to pick up
passengers
that
is).
It seemed so simple when we first came up with this idea at
head office but when receipts dropped sharply in the first
month
of the application of this new policy we realised we had a
problem.. after thorough analysis by our accounting
team we were still stumped, it was only after customer
services got
together with accounting down the pub for Geoff's birthday &
mentioned all the complaints from people still waiting at
bus
stops for the past 2 months that we realised what was wrong.
A little further thought & we came up with a solution.
The new passenger delivery catapults installed along
our routes last week seem to be working well & the catch nets
on the top decks of our new fleet of open top double
deckers appear to be performing adequately.
We'd like to assure our customers that the small issue of
operator
accuracy has been mostly sorted out (we sacked Sturton & the
others have been given a stern talking to about drinking at
work) & very few people are
missing their buses now.
We apologise to our customers for any inconvenience
experienced at the end of your journey but until we develop a
more satisfactory
method of egress at your destination passengers will just have
to continue being thrown from the bus.
[link]
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Perhaps the answer is to have an autonomous podule linked to
the rear of the bus via a gangway. This podule could detach,
decelerate to the bus stop, embark/disembark passengers,
and then catch up with the rest of the bus. |
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//then catch up with the rest of the bus// |
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Assuming the rest of the bus is travelling at the speed limit
the podule will keep getting speeding tickets, this could be a
problem for our revenue flow, any suggestions? |
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If the bus is in a town, it will be slowed by traffic and signals,
giving the nifty podule time to catch up. Out of town, the bus
can slow down marginally whilst maintaining the illusion of
progress. |
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If is this is genuinely a 'non-stop bus', you will have to find ways of refuelling the bus while it is in motion and, at the end of the day, changing drivers while the bus is in motion so that the night-shift driver can keep driving it all night. |
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A bus with a very long stretchy/gummy section that
could fling itself and passengers contained inside
towards the stopped destination could find new and
exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria. |
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Entirely defeats the object the
exercise. |
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Dedicated bus lanes then, possibly dual bus lanes, one for
each
direction. |
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Small aft mounted catapults might be an idea, for
passengers
that suddenly realise they got on the wrong bus, are
going the wrong way & want to switch busses. |
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//If is this is genuinely a 'non-stop bus', you will have to find
ways of refuelling the bus while it is in motion// |
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Special refueling tankers for in-transit fueling? |
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Same way the passengers get on & off shirley? |
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//new and exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria// |
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You're hired! report to R&D immediately. |
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//new and exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria// |
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Back in the sixties, a company used to do
London to Afghanistan bus trips with Route
master double-deckers, you could hop off
somewhere interesting, then catch the next
one... |
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