Mulching Motorhome

The lawnmower has undergone quite a transformation over the years. Now we have everything from the simple, unpowered push mower to the magnificent air-conditioned farm tractor which carves a 14' swath upon the verde while firmly gripping your 32 oz. Slurpie. From postage stamp to palatial estate, we seem, on the face of it, to be pretty well squared away in the lawn mower department.

But what about excessively large lawns? There are some lawns (such as the Serengeti) which seem to stretch on to that place where the sky meets the, er, well, the lawn. The prospect of a days-long clipping safari makes your John-Deer's cupholder suddenly seem a tad scant.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and horticultural effete, I am pleased to suggest the Mulching Motorhome. Equipped with a hansomely appointed kitchen, state of the art entertainment center and king-sized sleeping berths for six, this luxurious motor home is unparalleled in comfort and in style. The driver (or mower) relaxes in a captain's chair of top-grade leather ensconsed before an ergonomically apportioned dash. A closed-circuit television system keeps the driver apprised of every aspect of the Mulching Motorhome (including the all-important mower deck) without leaving his post.

Speaking of the mower deck, this one's a duzie! Fully 30 feet wide when deployed, the Mulching Motorhome's mowerdeck uses laser guided, computer-aided read-ahead technology to sense and anticipate changes in the terrain, and will automatically compensate for those annoying dips, ditches and mounds. Whatever the state of the dirt underneath your gorgeous lawn, your lawn will be left looking smooth and even; in a word, gorgeous! The mower deck can be conveniently folded up on either side of the Mulching Motorhome for conveinent highway travel or when storing the Mulching Mower on the deck of an aircraft carrier. The mower deck can be redeployed in seconds with just the touch of a button.

Each Mulching Motorhome is finished with a high-gloss pearlized two-tone holographic paint in the proud new owner's choice of colors (we recommend fire-engine red and electric teal). The lavish countours of the Mulching motor home are enhanced and emboldened by the all-steel chrome plated cattle guard mounted on the grille. Cleverly concealed in the rear of the Mulching Motorhome is your Garage Away From Your Garage, which comes equipped (in the standard model!) with gas-powered weed whacker, blower, edger and garden tiller, as well as rake, shovel, garden hose (fed by the 1000 gallon water tank), shotgun, Bar-B-Q and assorted concrete yard ornaments.

Next time your honeydo list calls for continent-scale mowing, make it a family outing in continental style with the Mulching Motorhome!