h a l f b a k e r yBone to the bad.
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New from BorgCo Labs, an improved product for those who dislike
being bitten by mosquitoes.
The product comes in two nearly identical spraycans.
One can contains a powerful mosquito repellent chermical.
The other contains a blend of powerful mosquito attractant
chemicals.
When setting
out for a walk in the woods, spray yourself with the first
can; offer the second can to your companion(s).
They will be impressed by your apparent altruism, and will also
receive
all the mosquito bites, while you remain unscathed.
Do not get the cans confused.
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I **AM** curious, [8th] --- Did you submit this product for field testing
with the entire Borg hive (Oneth of Seven through Eighth of Seven)?
And if said field testing occurred, and the entire hive ended up deep in
the woods with only YOU "un-beset-upon" by swarms of hungry girlie
mosquitoes, did the rest of the Borg hive realize, at that point, they had
"taken one for the team?" |
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Another thing I'm mildly concerned about is female mosquitoes in a
forest somewhere on planet Earth using Borg blood to feed and
develop their eggs: might this not, in fact, lead to another species of
mutant mosquitoes bent on something like, say, world domination?
(The advent of killer bees africanizing our honeybee colonies comes
to mind) |
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And finally, might there be a spin-off market for the second can in
municipalities with large feral cat populations? (...and for that
possible application, I assign one fresh and steaming bun [+]... Of
course, I do retain the right to rescind said bun should this application
result in mutant feral cats also bent on world domination...) |
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Does it also repel bears? |
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You could take along a pig. About $100 for an adult
pig, spray it with mosquito attractant to take one
for the team, and then offer it up to any bears that
want to eat you. |
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Plus, if there are no bears, you have bacon. |
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[8th of 7], if this is how you treat people who choose
to be your companions, what of those who choose to
be your enemies? "First assimilate, then mistreat!" --
no wonder the Federation had no interest in joining
the Collective.... |
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I wonder if, somewhere in the deep history of the
solar system, Earth was offered a planet-sized can of
Asteroid 'Repellent' by a passing cube. |
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I'm surprised [8th] isn't out spraying this on all the
cats in the neighborhood. |
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What makes you think we aren't ... ? |
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Hmm, yes, shaving the cats first would be more efficient. Cuts to Johannes Cabal demanding a certain weight of fresh shaved cat hair for a task, just to annoy the owners of the cats. |
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Cut to Lt. Aldo Raine demanding one hundred scalps ... |
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Just take any of my brothers in law along with you on
a field trip. No need to use ANY spray. They attract
all the mosquitoes from miles around. |
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