h a l f b a k e r yThis ain't rocket surgery.
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Midges. I hate them. They are tiny, blood sucking insects that make camping and other outdoor pursuits in Scotland (where I am right now) in summertime a bit of a trial. I've tried repellants (which are often as good at repelling people as well as bugs), sitting by a fire, and have even resorted to smoking
multiple large cigars in an effort to rid myself of the minute menace, all with varying degrees of success. I want to be more proactive here.
So I want a flamethrower. It's very compact, say the size of a kiddie's water pistol, but it unleashes a massive burst of flame that fries anything within 20 feet. OK, I have to refill it quite often, but I'm willing to carry that much fuel
in my rucksack in order to feel I'm armed to the hilt. I also have to use it often, but that's part of the fun. Since they tend to hunt in packs (clouds? swarms?) I think a burst every 5 minutes or so should go a long way to alleviating the problem. Everything on the gun is miniaturised for minimum weight and maximum effect - the nozzle possibly has an atomiser feature that allows the sprayed, highly flammable liquid to reach maximum surface area to volume ratio, thus maximising body count.
Better be careful not to point it at the tent...
The Gustmatic Midgewig
http://www.clubsbon...alfbakery/midge.htm
from the secret files of [calum] [my face your, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Raid Flying Insect Killer
http://www.killsbug...esandmosquitoes.asp
No joke, watch them drop out of the sky - lighter not necessary [FloridaManatee, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Mosquito Magnet
http://www.mosquitomagnet.com/
Warfare on an ecological scale [FloridaManatee, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Mega Ultrasonic Blaster
www.amazing1.com/ultra.htm
Website's down right now, but they exist - I have one [FloridaManatee, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Mosquito Hammock
http://www.mosquitohammock.com/
Catch some ZZZZ's in peace [FloridaManatee, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Midgie Vacuum
http://news.bbc.co....cotland/2931910.stm
Could use this against the little blighters. [Jinbish, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Jungle Fomula Midge Repellant
http://www.jungleformula.co.uk/
This stuff says it repels midges for up to ten hours. It attracts them instead. [Robocat, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
[link]
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I noticed the first swarm of midges of the year yesterday. They truly are a menace and burning them and getting to watch little grey pieces of insect ash fall to the ground around your feet would be extremely satisfying. The problem with the idea lies with the sheer number of midges. Camping in Scotland - actually, doing anything outdoors in Scotland - is like "Zulu", only there's more midges than Zulus and the midges do more harm. And are a bit smaller. |
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But my point is that while you manage to kill the midges, more midges will just swarm into place. You'll end up having to drive about in a petrol lorry to have sufficient fuel to put a perceptible dent in the midge population. |
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Yeah, [mfy] I know all about their numbers, believe me. I am willing to carry a load of liquid (is petrol the best option?) as well. All I want is a device to hand that gives me temporary respite when doing essential outdoor things like cooking, washing etc. before I'm safely ensconced in my tent. |
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Btw, your "Zulu" reference is spot on... |
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Then this does exactly what you want. And it kills midges, so croissant. |
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Option 1: Flame thrower built from Raid flying insect killer with (optional) Zippo-style igniter. (link) |
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Option 2: Decimate the entire local population with propane fueled Mosquito Magnet. (link) |
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Option 3: Tune a Phasor Pain Field (ultrasonic cannon) to find their resonant frequency. (link) |
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Option 4: Mosquito Hammock. Not in combination with Option 1 (link) |
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From the Raid link
"Raid® Flying Insect Killer kills insects as they fly through the mist, so there is no need to spray them directly. Plus, it has a clean, pleasant scent. " |
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If I can smell it, that usually means I'm inhaling it. I don't care how "safe on test monkeys" it might be, I'd like to avoid breathing insecticides. |
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//is petrol the best option?// Try Napalm. |
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Wouldn't a cloud of Scottish Midges act like a gas, thus spreading the fire? With the midge population in Scotland, this might ignite the whole highlands as they are so populous. |
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Overkill. Still, flamethrowe4rs are ALWAYS overkil! I LOVE OVERKILL!!! GIVE ME ONE! |
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Why not just make a small fire in a tin can and spray some jungle formula in it the little guys will die HAHHAH. Or citronella candles maybe. Just thinking that the Forestry Commision doesn't like open fires (ok so I just suggested using one but it isn't so extreme given the context) and probably don't like flamethrowers either. |
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True, Robocat, the FC aren't mad keen on people starting fires but the midges really only manifest themselves when the air is cool, still and damp, which is hardly the optimum conditions for burning down the forests. |
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What I do is wave my modified electric bug swatter (increased voltage) around wildly. There's enough voltage in the juiced up version to arc to a midge, so it's BANG BANG BANG BANG as you go through a cloud. |
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They should make a bigger version, like a tennis racket. |
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I love fire though, and yours would be a lot of fun! |
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