h a l f b a k e r yIt's not a thing. It will be a thing.
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Alarm clock has four large, powerful hi-fi speakers at the ends of the room.
The clock has a library of ambient noises, each carefully designed to trigger instant state of alertness and panic in a sleeping human.
Each morning a different sound is played
Clock can download new libraries to avoid
repeating sounds.
Suggested sounds are: wasp entering through window, wolf, tiger etc.; burglars moving around downstairs; police breaking down door; etc.
Shredder Clock
http://www.wetheurb...-the-shredder-clock
[calum, Jun 02 2011]
For rcarty
Oral_20Sex_20Alarm_20Clock
[calum, Jun 02 2011]
for calum
Wake_20Up_20Corpse
[Voice, Jun 02 2011]
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Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)
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Incoming shell, jet engine at full power ... [+] |
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Sound of Vogon Construction Fleet ships. |
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The noises don't have to be loud. Muffled footfalls,
pistol uncocked, sword being pulled from sheath,
terrified whisper, earthquake rumble, sound of a fire |
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Barely audible twitch of a rattlesnake's rattle... |
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Better than the Palestinian alarm clock. |
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I thought he meant me, and yes, I have. Laid up with
broken bones and the remote in easy reach. Wish I was
outside, coming up with new hare-brained wacky
inventions. |
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Alarm clocks don't actually work as a means of getting you out of bed. They work as a means of making you realise that it is time that you were getting out of bed. Making the alarm element of the alarm clock more alarming doesn't actually address the crucial second feet-on-tatami step. That's not to denigrate this otherwise fine idea - it is, within the limits of alarm clockeriness, good. But we need to recognise that for an alarm clock to do what we assume it does (rather than what it actually does), it has to have some other functionality. To this end, I am working on a prototype clock which will perhaps occasionally, or perhaps every morning, place in your bed a cadaver in a user-specified state of putrescence, to fully incentivise bed exit. |
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In the meantime, here is an alternative solution (link). |
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I'm tired of alarm clocks. I want a clock that will induce other feelings as well when I want them, not just mild fear and panic, although those are great. Why not a joy clock or even a sadness clock? |
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Being cursed with extremely good hearing, my morning is already like this. |
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//Why not a joy clock or even a sadness clock?/ <link> |
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Really, the alarm clock ought to have a dial, so that the degree of discomfort and fear on waking can be preset. So, the dial could be turned from
"Zen-like calmness" to "Mild sense of apprehension", through "Slight anxiety", "Dismay" and "Worry", to "Alarm", "Panic" and finally "Mortal Dread". |
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Re Voice's link: Haha, cripes! I can only claim (unconvincingly) that I hadn't seen that one! |
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As a side-effect when you hear an actual emergency you automatically reach over and pound the person next to you on the noggin. |
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