h a l f b a k e r yOn the one hand, true. On the other hand, bollocks.
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My life was just a bunch of boring verbs and nouns until monster truck rally announcer came along and added fake adjectives and really exciting verbs. I don't walk to the car in the morning anymore. I rocket from my bed at the crack of dawn and get into my spine smashing death mobile made of fury and
shattered dreams!
Watching the News on TV:
Before Monster Truck Lifeovation:
Coming up next on Action News Eight; Mandy will take a look at this season's hottest home decorating tips and Clark will have the five day Accucheck forecast.
After Monster Truck Lifeovation:
Stay tuned to the blood pumping action! Mandy "The De-Skullulator" O'Neill has the bone-crushingest front yard scorchifying tips for this season of mayhem, Mayhem, MAYHEM! The streets will run red with nitro burning Clark and the thundercasting Accucheck destroyocast! It promises five straight days of non-stop turbo charged crazy car action!!
Feeding Your Cats
Before Monster Truck Lifeovation: You open a can of cat food and scoop out cat food with a plastic fork onto the correct number of dishes.
After Monster Truck Lifeovation:
These cats are hungry for a fiery chunk of pure adrenaline! You can open a can, but they demand ten Japanese cars lined up end to end! Watch as they blaze a trail through the sky and crush an entire school bus into BURNING SHRAPNEL! Stay for Tigrocrushasaur and watch as it swallows a Honda Civic in one bite!!
Cramming for an Exam
Before Monster Truck Lifeovation:
Read chapter 2-24 in your Advanced Geology text book, take the sample quizzes, and research additional material on the Internet.
After Monster Truck Lifeovation:
Geology? There's no time when you're on the EDGE, EDGE, EDGE! You have pure air-sucking V-8 hyper charged Freedom Onion Sun Chips and a rented copy of AM-EL-IE! This girl eats compact cars for dinner and washes them down with PURE OCTANES! You won't care about an exam after she blows your hair THROUGH THE WALL OF YOUR DORM!
The new Monster Truck Lifeovation will leave you with the satisfied "on the edge" and "eXtreme" feeling that you look for in life. You don't actually have to lead an exciting life to get that feeling, although you may be required to drink either Mountain Dew or Surge.
[link]
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Don't forget to go to church this Sunday Sunday! SUNDAY! |
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The classic line I've always heard is:
"See them shake hands with the devil as they roar through the gates of HELL!" |
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No thanks. It's bad enough where it does occur. Keep it there. |
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Sadly, some local news broadcasts are already well down this road. |
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Well, I for one thought this was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh, have some pastry. No wait, here comes your spine-chilling bone-crushing croissant of death! |
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UnaBubba, the solution to your problem is simple - spurn underwear in all its forms. |
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Ha ha [demo_nova]! Not sure if there's an invention as such here, but it's a good laugh. |
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I wasnt sure this needed the croiss until I thought about "Deskullulator" and realized: it is good! |
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Okay, it's funny. But the ads I've been seeing lately are already like this. What waugs said. If life was really like that, you'd die an early death from stimuli overload. |
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My sisters told me about an episode of Pokemon that was like this: there was a megalopolis with neon lights and blasting music everywhere, and no inhabitant of the city ever slept. Everyone was cranky and mean. |
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Hilarious to read, [demo]. Can you make it retroactive and apply it to a few of the recent postings to spice them up a bit? |
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Are you ready for some down and dirty 'baking?
BE THERE! |
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It made oi larf, but it would get a bit much after a couple of minutes. Still shuddering from the thought of UB making coffee with no underwear. |
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[egbert] What? You make coffee
with
underwear?
Pretty funny.
I'd like the web page translator for
this ("Translate this web page into
Monster Truck Announcer"). Have
this nitro-pumped juggernaut of a
croissant. |
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Well you have to strain it with something. |
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"Waiter, this coffee tastes like..." |
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No, on second thoughts let's not go there. |
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I find it revealing that passing MTL text through babelfish into French, German, and then back into English results in text that preserves the sense of the original remarkably well: |
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"The stay granted blood pumps to that! Mandy "of Skullulator" O ' Neill has the ends scorchifying the yard OS-crushingest for this season of mutilating, mutilating, MUTILATING! The roads the red with Clark will run brûlant nitro and destroyocast thundercasting from Accucheck! He promises five straight days direct moved action of the motor vehicle, that by turbo!! one filled " |
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I find it incredibly funny, but then again I get to listen to the local radio staions MTL the ads for friday and saturday stock car races around here (summer only, they haven't quite figured out what to do with ice racing yet).
My personal favorite however is the one for the La Crosse speedway. "We'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need The Edge!". I always wonder if they couldn't get bigger crowds by selling the backs of the seats to seperate people and improve their profits.(+) |
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