h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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People are prepared to spend several hours in overcrowded nightclubs and even pay for the privilege, but when sharing the small space on intercontinental flights they are less enthusiastic.
So why not combine the best of both worlds and solve another age-old aviation problem in the process: How to
fit more passengers on a plane?
I suggest a modified version of an extended Airbus A380 (full economy seating capacity: approx. 950 passengers)
Rip all the seats out and turn the lower deck into a series of dance floors and the upper deck into a chill-out room. The lower deck would accomodate 2500 passengers in a cramped standing configuration, nightclub-style.
For safety reasons, passengers are confined to the dancefloors during take-off and landing, during which time the chill-out room remains empty. The overcrowding prevents passengers from falling over and hurting themselves. Ample padding on walls and ceilings provides protection against turbulence.
Sanitation, drinking water and first aid is provided in the cargo deck.
The five hour party flight departs every Friday evening from New York to Amsterdam and returns on Sunday, hosting several DJs each way (house music discouraged to avoid in-synch jumping up and down on the dancefloor). High passenger numbers allow bargain fares in the region of $100 return.
Since it is impossible to throw out violent drunken revellers at 30,000 feet, alcohol is banned. However, as the plane flies under a Dutch flag, cannabis is sold in the bars, consumption of which has a calming effect on passengers and prevents mass panics.
quieter version
_22Coffin_20hotel_22_20airplane_20seats
[kinemojo, Jul 18 2006]
[link]
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And a thumb on the nose to those puritanical Islamicists, too. |
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If it's like some of the nightclubs in Amsterdam, it will be a thumb on the nose to puritanical anythings. |
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<Semipedantic logic meticulosity>
But from where will you get the weed without landing? You can't have possession on takeoff in the US, or upon return. In-flight cargo transfer? |
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You'll get the weed from Amsterdam. Remaining weed would be destroyed before landing in New York. |
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For the New York - Amsterdam flight it's more tricky. |
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Why would it be illegal to store weed on the plane during turn around in New York? Just because its wheels are touching US ground? Isn't the cabin of the plane technically still under Dutch legislation?
Don't you have to pass customs before you're technically inside the US? |
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If not, perhaps some form of bilateral agreement is possible. |
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Consider the following hypothetical situation: In Singapore ownership of gay pornography is punishable by heavy fines/prison. But in Australia and Europe it's legal. Say you fly from Australia to Europe and take a bag full of gay pornography. Does that mean you get arrested in Singapore if the plane only stops to refuel? I can't imagine it somehow. |
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\\Isn't the cabin of the plane technically still under Dutch legislation?\\ I can see the logic to your example, but conversley, if the plane stopped somewhere overnight due to a mechanical fault, would it therefore be legal for people to come onboard the plane and smoke weed? |
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Perhaps the Dutch government could make some real money by establishing more embassies. Just charge a small cover!
What happens in the Netherlands...
STAYS in the Netherlands |
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//consumption of which has a calming effect on passengers and prevents mass panics// |
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One of the most notable side effects of Cannabis is paranoia. Flying at 25,000 feet high (wow what a pun), even the most experienced users would get a bit paranoid. |
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The Aphex Twin was going to start a club in a submarine before those damn health and safety people stuck their noses in. |
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wagster - you beat me to it ! I'm a great proponent of a
mile deep club. |
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// prevents mass panics// - I thought the sacramental
wine did that. |
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<pedant> An airliner flying at only 5280 feet isn't going to be very efficient </pedant> |
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>>The Aphex Twin was going to start a club in a submarine before those damn health and safety people stuck their noses in.<< |
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Maybe you can ask passengers to sign a waiver or something? |
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Bless the trees, bless the air, lets have some wine! |
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>>if the plane stopped somewhere overnight due to a mechanical fault, would it therefore be legal for people to come onboard the plane and smoke weed?<< |
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Yes, as long as they are required to go through the immigration and customs desk on the way in and out. |
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So by this logic the people who have come through customs in New York are free from American legislation. But the people who have gone through customs in Amsterdam are still subject to their legislation? |
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>>But the people who have gone through customs in Amsterdam are still subject to their legislation?<< |
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The aircraft is flying under a Dutch flag, so yes. |
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/The overcrowding prevents passengers from falling over and hurting themselves/ - brilliant. |
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No $100 fares though - the fare must be $2000 and some people must be turned away in a semi-arbitrary manner. |
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The key is getting the right mix of people on each flight. As the guy who ran club 52 did on a nightly basis. So your ticket price would be based on how "right" you are for that flight. Lower prices for those who are needed to even out the mix and higher prices to discurage people of whatever type there are already too many of. |
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Check-in and boarding is a new routine. Everyone lines up on the tarmac (in the rain if needed), and the line snakes right round the hangar. At the front, under the boarding steps, is the usual red-rope-on-poles thing with a couple of large heavy men in black suits and shades carrying large clipboards. Each expectant treveller (nice new word, hm?) is closely scrutinised. "Your name on the list?" Grubby finger flips through manifest. "OK, then, you're in." Red carpet and separate entrance for the VIPs, of course. |
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