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I've got a problem that I'm sure anybody else who tries to self diagnose problems on the internet has had. I have a wound on my foot that isn't really healing, and I'm worried it may be infected. So the first thing I do is go to WebMD which lists symptoms such as "swelling" and "redness of the skin."
Well it's not really swelling and I don't know how much redness to look for. Large red area with red spiderwebbing veins? Small red splotches? So step two is a google image search which inevitably turns up nothing but pictures of fatal gangrene infections and what looks like trenchfoot. Similar problems can be encountered when trying to diagnose that weird ___ on your ___ or deciding when to see the doctor for that itchy ____.
What I need is an online medical database with photos and descriptions of medical problems that normal people encounter in their normal lives. Not a worst case scenario for trench warfare, or a parasite that only lives in the Congo.
[link]
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The thing is, it makes sense to start from the most dangerous things to miss and work your way down to harmlessness. Or does it? Maybe not. Anyway, there's a place called Dermnet.nz or something where you can submit pictures of your skin disease and they'll tell you what it is. |
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Must be a nice site to browse...ugh! |
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// submit pictures of your skin disease and
they'll tell you what it is. // |
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It's very worrying to know that there are
people who sit around eagerly awaiting
images of skin diseases to arrive in their
inbox … |
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"BING! You have new Psoriasis … " |
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At work I had to make a PowerPoint presentation for Sexually Transmitted Infections...there are some things that one NEVER wants to see!!! |
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This is true. In fact, there are things that it is good not to even know the existence of, let alone see. |
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For example, our notorious "What Not To Do With Explosives" illustrated lecture has a high incidence of audience members fainting, running out of the room to vomit, or indeed just running out never to return. |
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Particularly efficacious in this respect is image #33. "Two Time Pencils in a Front Trouser Pocket", which at best elicits a horrified silence, normally results in all the male participants turning a distinctive shade of ashen grey, and has on one memorable occasion brought the lecture to an abrupt end when two of the venue organisers became unwell and had to leave. |
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For this reason, the coffee break is normally inserted at this point, although few attendees seem to want any coffee or biscuits, being entirely satisfied with walking around in the fresh air taking deep breaths. Many apparently feel a powerful urge to smoke a cigarette, even though they have never indulged before in their lives. |
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For the same reason, the image previously used as #34, "Grenade Concealed in Brassiere(Left Upper Thorax, Post-mortem)" has now been re-positioned just before the lunch break, ensuring a clear run at the buffet; sadly, on those occasions where complementary wine is available, the serving area is usually besieged, generally by Muslims and Methodists. |
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As as aside, a large laptop case/briefcase, or better a Pilot's case, containing only the smallest possible netbook and a couple of cool-paks, can hold enough scavengings from a typical 30-person buffet to feed the average adult male human for three to five days, without recourse to the unpleasant process of going to shops and paying out money for groceries. |
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Attempts to disguise a camping coolbox as a laptop case have so far proved unsuccessful, but work is continuing. |
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Bringing the topic back to the idea at hand, bun. Bun this
and pray webmd or someone bakes it. Bun till it itches
somewhat for a few days longer than seems right. then. In
it again. |
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(+) I dunno [DIYMatt], could be Lupus. |
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Basically what you're looking for is the Wal-
Mart version of Greg House … |
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I think this is a good idea; of course only if there is a
corresponding database of 'things that seemed like a really
mild medical condition but killed the guy a week later'. |
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This would be a good entry-level website for
hyprochondriacs who are just learning the ropes, and
want to start with something small. |
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The site itself could be free but, if you find
something you like, you could take a paid upgrade to
a more serious illness. |
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// paid upgrade // no doubt achieved by phoning a call centre
staffed exclusively by
Munchausens-by-proxy sufferers ? |
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This is a great idea if you have iatrophobia. |
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I don't actually *have* hypochondrophobia, but I'm terrified I'll catch it from something. |
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Too late, reading this idea has already infected you. |
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Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac... You can always
take something for it. |
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Huh, so that's the word for it. |
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Quackophobia... an (irrational) fear that your doctor
doesn't know what he/she is doing. |
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