h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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Flies can be troublesome when you're trying to eat, and they're not easily deterred but they seemingly cannot resist landing on a human head coated with white hair.
This lead to the rapid development of the Mike Pence Fly Attractor Apparatus.
As the name suggests, this is a replica of Mike Pence's
head, complete with a coating of luxurious pure white hair. The head is scaled down in size so that it can fit comfortably on a kitchen table, and is stabilised by being cut off at just below the shoulders.
When switched on, the head becomes an irresistible resting place to any passing fly, who will land on its soft white hair and walk around happily, leaving you to enjoy your food in peace.
Here's how it works:
The head comes with a grooming compound that must be brushed through the hair once a week. When the head is switched on, the hair strands heat up slightly, causing a vapour to be released from the grooming compound. Passing flies find this vapour to be irresistible. The vapour is totally odourless and harmless to humans and pets. Carefully carrying the head outside then switching it off causes the flies to lose interest as the vapours decline, and fly away to bother someone else.
De-luxe version features randomly moving eyes and occasional mouth opening and closing.
Super De-luxe version answers questions like Alexa, only you have to say "Hey Mike" to get it to wake up, and it's only connected to Fox News as its source of information stream.
Looks like this.....
https://www.esquire...fly-head-vp-debate/
Mike Pence Fly Attractor [xenzag, Oct 09 2020]
[link]
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Does it work the other way around? If you have a giant animatronic fly on your kitchen table, would it attract politicians? |
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It could be networked like Alexa and watch you all the time, feeding your personal data to corporate servers. To get its attention you would have to say "bzzz" and it would only reply in "bzzz"s as well. |
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shocked it took this long. Was really funny though |
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// would it attract politicians? // |
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Flies are attracted to festering heaps of worthless repulsive shit, so presumably the reverse is also true. |
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I keep getting a visual of the heads that grow plants outta
them. What are those called? Anyway, they also have animal
ones, etc. I'm getting old. Oh yeah, Chia Heads, or something
like that. |
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// What are those called? // |
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My kids have been joking with a particular waitress
at Leo's lately about wanting flies instead of fries. |
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So, we ordered a bag of small realistic-looking flies
from Amazon and passed them clandestinely to the
waitress last night, to be served on our kids' plates. |
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As for Pence, I sure hope the fly washed his hands
after. |
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You are too funny. Your kiddos must think so too. |
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Either that, or they already wake up screaming in the night and are facing a future of counselling, medication, and highly-paid guest appearances on daytime TV. |
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// I sure hope the fly washed his hands after. // |
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"The dog it was that died" ? |
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