h a l f b a k e r yProfessional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.
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I stood up and addressed the meeting:
"We've
really got to make these fourth quarter
targets. We're skating on thin ice, guys".
Immediately black-clad agents from the
Metaphor Actualisation Agency,
suspended on abseiling ropes on the
outside of the building burst through the
windows and
wrestled me to the floor.
Bound and trussed I was dragged
away.
Later, blindfolded I
remember being taken into a building
and
someone who appeared to be the leader
saying "Room 227". Once a heavy door
had been locked behind me, my blindfold
was taken off and I saw a room with a
large, ice-covered pool set into the floor.
"Put these on" said one of the agents,
handing me a pair of ice skates. I won't
describe what happened then except that
it was very cold and very
wet.
...
Days later,
back at work I thought to myself "Must
be
more careful this time" as I walked into
another team meeting. Soon I was back
into my flow and had put the events of
the
past few days behind me - "...if we don't
make these fourth quarter results we're
going to be up shit creek without a
paddle, guys"...
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Half way through the residential sales-course, Timmy tripped and brought down the tower of paperclips they'd been building. Brian, the most promising member of the team was furious. |
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"Geez guys, we're royally fucked, now those guys from NewTech Systems are going to win!" |
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Abseil ropes slicked down behind Brian as the rest of his team turned and fled, only to be brought swiftly down by other agents of the MAA, who had surrounded the group. Meanwhile, out in the car-park, Her Majesty the Queen stepped out of her carriage onto the gravel, sporting an enormous golden and diamond-encrusted, strap-on dildo. |
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"Excellent annotation - you're on fire,
[zen_tom]! - ooh, wait, I didn't mean
it..." |
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<list alert>"Put it on the 5:15 and see if it gets off at Winchester"</list alert>+ |
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This is a good idea, but I think it's best we put it on the back-burner for now. + |
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I'm sure [UB] had a similar idea on the halfbakery, but crescent bread anyway. Get a mullet up you. |
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Nice idea hippo but it implies microphones and surveillance in every office and workplace in the land. Plus some people to monitor it all. Infringement of privacy plus likely low return on investments equals smelly fishbones! I didn't get where I am today without being a nay-saying spoilsport! |
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[Consul], there's similar prose on [UB]'s profile. |
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"...and if you look at this Powerpoint slide you'll see that over the last quarter our products have been selling like hot cakes". I paused for a moment and then repeated a little louder "I said, our products have been SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES!". Again I paused - then a MAA operative came into view on the windowledge outside holding up a note reading "That's actually a simile. We don't do similes". |
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No hot cakes, but I could do with a Mornington Crescent roll. |
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There's still some Swiss Cottage pie left ... |
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+you see something like this would meter out real
justice, i'm so so sick of hearing that someone
"screwed the pooch" |
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//microphones and surveillance in every office and workplace in the land. Plus some people to monitor it all.//
It all seemed so unlikely only a decade ago. Oh dear! |
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Freedom is Irrelevant, Self-Determination is
Irrelevant. You must comply. Resistance Is
Futile. |
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At a wild guess, this preceded Armando Ianucci (spelling?) doing the axiom testing on beeb radio... |
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