h a l f b a k e r yCogito, ergo sumthin'
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Most food companies and chefs have their own secret
recipes. They may be required to divulge their
ingredients, but not the relative amounts thereof except
for major ingredients. So, how do you reverse engineer
Bernie's Clam Sauce?
Metagenomically, of course.
DNA sequencing is now fairly
cheap, and can give data on
the representation of various sequences, as well as their
presence or absence. Given that most edible things have
been sequenced, it is a trifling matter to run a DNA prep
on Bernie's Clam Sauce, have it sequenced, and get a
complete ingredient list, along with approximate
quantities.
Obviously, this process might throw up some unwelcome
surprises, as might the customers.
[link]
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When I cook food, pardon if this seems incorrect, but
I think I'm breaking down proteins and stuff into
smaller bits that are easier to deal with. Will the dna
remain intact at 170 deg F? |
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That depends what // 170 deg F // is. |
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Is it a street address, or a grid reference ? We know nothing of this "170 deg F" of which you hu-mons speak, your words are strange to us. |
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Its a complex vector. Start with F, and then proceed
to turn 170 degrees counterclockwise from that. |
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Apparently, 170 degrees Fahrenheit is about 80 normal
degrees. That temperature won't bother DNA in the
slightest (it'll denature it, but that won't matter). In fact,
80° is good - you'll denature all the nucleases, which
would otherwise chew up the DNA. |
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There will probably be quite a lot of DNA loss, even so -
for instance, enzymatic breakdown while the food is
warm but not hot; and all sorts of chemical reactions.
But they will affect all the DNA more or less equally -
there'll still be plenty left to sequence, and the
representation should be OK. |
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Well then, you may be on to something [MB]. Why don't you invite a proper scientist like [bs0u0155] to work on it, someone competent and qualified ? |
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That's a good point, [8th]. If he pops in for a burger, could
you ask him for me? |
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We'll do our best, but to be honest running the deep fat fryer is a pretty demanding job ... took us a long time to work our way up to it from clearing tables. |
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We really want shot at working the drive-thru window, but the fascist manager says we "don't do well in a customer-facing rôle" ... bastard. That's just the sort of thing that Hitler would say. |
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I looked up clam sauce. Now, while not Bernie's, it should
provide a framework. Since the boss is away, I was
recently compelled to organize an impromptu scientific
focus group on the effects of discounted alcohol on 2D
Newtonian sphere physics. We ended up 2-1 down, but we
pulled it back on the table football. Anyhow, having
looked up clam sauce, I see that that the basic organisms
would be Onion, garlic, pepper, wine, olive oil, maybe
cow. But how much grape DNA ends up in wine? or would
it turn up as mixed yeasts? Olive oil... is essentially a
hydrophobic DNA desert. On top of that, salt, what's going
on there? It's crystalline, so probably a virus. One of those
strange nucleic acid-free viruses. Like a prion, but
without the complex primary sequence. I think I saw a
movie about something similar, I think I remember the
face mask of an F4 pilot dissolving, now, that could just
be a USAF procurement problem. Hard, but not
impossible to imagine that as a movie subject. |
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Anyhow, this technique is the most promising way yet of
determining the constituents of a turbriskgerfil. |
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There you are [MB], get someone competent and the problem's sorted in minutes. |
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This could be an important learning point for you. |
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//Onion, garlic, pepper, wine, olive oil, maybe cow//
Well, I make that 5 out of 6. Clams may also be an
ingredient - this could be confirmed by sequencing. |
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//someone competent// You can talk. The customer
toilets were a disgrace last time. |
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That was on our day off. We weren't responsible. |
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Besides, you think the customer toilets were bad - you should see the staff toilets. Well actually, you can't because of the dense cloud of flies. The "long drop" design has its disadvantages. |
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If you have any spare slivers of soap, they'd do wonders for staff hygiene. |
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I'd think they'd have to be, with all of those festering
flesh wound where augmented bits pierce through. |
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Remember at the end of all scientific treatises all clams
made should be backed by verifiable sauces. |
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You're right - you need the mussel to back up what you say. |
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Yes, but if you have that, the world is your oyster .. |
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That's a load of abalone. |
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