Liquid insurance

Worried about car thieves? Afraid your local police won't do enough if your car is ever stolen? Worried that the thieves will just get out to seek revenge?

Not to worry, A little beer can solve that, and many other problems!

Before you head out to work, just toss a case of your favorite flip-top beers into your car's trunk. When you arrive at your work, take a moment to arm the security feature by shifting the case from the trunk to the cab of the vehicle, and reward yourself for a safe drive to work by drinking about half of one. (Or have one half-empty, or pour some out for old friends, as appropriate)

Now, if your car is stolen, there is some chance that the car thief sees your beer, may decide to drink and drive. Over and above reporting your car stolen, you now have a civic duty to call in an anonymous tip for a potential drunk driver, one who just happens to be a car thief, and may be hitting bottles from a case of beer in their car.

Congratulations, you have now given the police two reasons to look for your stolen car. If the police in your locality are good, their two reasons are to get your stolen property, and capture a danger to public safety. Heck, even if the cops are corrupt, and in league with the car thieves, they still have two reasons: To prevent a drunk from making them deal with an accident, and to hopefully score some beer from the scene of the crime.

You have also made your car thieves' life much worse. Open containers in a car is probable cause for police to suspect the thief of drunk driving. The police will therefore be allowed to force the criminal through the full suite of drunk driver tests. Should the criminal refuse, as criminals often do when caught with stolen property, the police are authorized to use their refusal to take drunk driver tests as evidence that the criminal was in fact driving under the influence. On top of car theft, the criminal can now be charged with driving under the influence, and may be subjected to having their driver's license revoked indefinitely, they may be charged with reckless endangerment for getting behind the wheel, face additional prison terms and fines, be forced to go into detox before their prison sentence begins, and be forced to attend AA meetings as a condition of their parole once released from prison, thus giving the police more opportunities to keep a close eye on them for a longer time.