h a l f b a k e r yThis ain't rocket surgery.
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Right, now a great deal of food in jars and other
packaging seems to say "store in a cool, dark place".
So, why don't we just bribe the label company to add on
" like Great Britain" with a small Union
Jack? It'll keep the place in the mind of whatever
country.
The obvious add-on is to
use a drone to pick up that half-
finished bottle of brown sauce** in the Buchanan mansion
in the Dordoigne, whizz it over to the nearest airport,
where is gets Fedexed to the one of the huge warehouses
somewhere on the M25, until needed.
* the values in question are temperature (probably in
minus Kelvin) and hours of sunlight (very few).
** Does that count as Open Sauce? The IP rights stuff
could
get tricky....
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As an idea I'm not so convinced. But as entertainment, it
made me laugh out loud funny. Ha. |
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I always thought you were laugh out loud funny, blissy. |
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Anyone care to submit 'British values' as an oxymoron? |
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//Anyone care to submit 'British values' as an
oxymoron?// |
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Errr, that British values as in degree of genetic
drift from mainstream humanity towards gills and
webbed fingers, which is more oxygen-gathering
than oxymoronic. |
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Anyway, about the franchise out the "cool, dry
place" to the Gobi Desert Food Store co, but
they'd have to shift everything to the Atacama Dry
Goods Inc every summer. |
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And what's going to happen to Aunt Vera's baking
powder when it falls off the back of a yak? It's
more than my jobs worth, I can tell you. |
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//half- finished bottle of brown sauce** in the
Buchanan mansion in the Dordoigne// |
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Don't be ridiculous. The Dordoigne estate is not a
mansion. Why, it's so small that some of
groundsmen's cottages can be seen from the north-
east ballroom!' |
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I'm not quite sure how you expect to attract visitors to
Britain by advertising it as cold and dark. Perhaps the
number of visiting Eskimos will go up...? |
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Not _cold_ and dark, [Vernon]. _Cool_ and dark. |
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English values are better. If you wanted "Cold, dark, rainy, windy and generally bleak and inhospitable", that would be scotchland. |
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As for the other provinces, best not mention them. |
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It's only outdoors that the weather gets bad. |
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Provided the roof is freshly thatched. |
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Makes me wonder: what are the recommended storage
conditions of Rentishams? |
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Heh, 8th and I are as one in terms at least of the distinction between "British Values" and "English Values". Discussion of national values in the UK is gussied up as being about "British Values" as a sop to the fringe nations while being solidly and, why not admit it, wholly predicated on "English Values". This sop fools no-one in the fringe nations, but allows the English to believe that they have, by this somewhat anaemic sleight of word, convinced their neighbours that they are in any way engaged with the concerns and values of woad-eating sheep-fuckers and cretinous, emphysemic socialists. Northern Ireland is a special case. It split approx. 50/50 between fostering British Values (this being something very specific and not entirely similar to English Values, other than worshipping the Queen) and rejecting British Values (this being something entirely dissimilar to English Values) while at the same time being entirely united on the issue of traybakes. |
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// 8th and I are as one // |
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You will become one with the Borg. You will all become one with the Borg. |
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// woad-eating sheep-fuckers and cretinous, emphysemic socialists. // |
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You had to drag the welsh in, didn't you ? |
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//what are the recommended storage conditions
of Rentishams?// |
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We generally advise that, for long-term storage,
you keep Rentisham's in your wine cellar or root-
store. At a pinch, your boathouse will probably
provide a suitable environment (benefitting from
the cooling effect of the river). More broadly, the
instructions on the tin, tublet or cannister read
"Store in a cool place away from sources of
ignition." |
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Having said that, Rentisham's is formulated to cope
with a wide range of climates, both in use and in
storage. The worst that will happen is that the
product may separate, in which case its full
flegative qualities can be restored by warming it
cautiously, stirring well, and allowing to cool. |
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In fact, exactly the same as for Napalm. |
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I heard Rentisham's is a more than satisfactory
substitute for napalm. |
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Rentisham's neither supports nor endorses the use of
its products for purposes other than those intended. |
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"It was not a dark and stormy night, it was a cool and dark place. " like merry olde England |X| |
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bad Hemingway contest fodder. |
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Does brown sauce mean ketchup ? |
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Brown sauce has a better sun tan, and comes with Tamarind,
which grows somewhere warm. |
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By the way, is there a reason why there are refrigerators in
England? |
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Yes, because the cold as experienced subjectively owes more to the penetrating damp, and to poorly-targeted bursts of self-deprecation which also spatter innocent bystanders, than it does to the real position on the Kelvin scale. It is therefore no guarantee of freshness. |
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//Yes, because the cold as experienced subjectively owes
more to the penetrating damp// |
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you've been to Macclesfield then? |
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"The horror ... the horror ..." |
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Macclesfield is not a place. It is a situation. |
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