h a l f b a k e r yWhy on earth would you want that many gazelles anyway?
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A large flock of sheep are crossing the road, oblivious to the
impending danger. One leaps over an imaginary fence and the
rest follow, as sheep are wont to do.
Without warning, one of them stops in the path of the
oncoming semi-trailer. Suddenly, a man in a pair of blue
overalls runs out
onto the road, dragging a small trolley. He
unrolls two cables and attaches large alligator clips to either
side of the sheep, then flips a switch on the trolley.
The sheep leaps to life again, springing off the road to
safety. The man in overalls quickly pushes his trolley out of
the way, waving to the truck driver as he passes.
Start Ya Bastard
http://www.nulon.co...arter/#.T8QYAtVDyuo
[Phrontistery, May 28 2012]
Sheep land on top of cars
http://www.news.com...rfkvr-1226378368846
[AusCan531, Jun 01 2012]
[link]
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isn't that a man with a brown store-coat, a flat cap and roll-up hanging from his lip, I'm picturing a little more old-school... |
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No longer. He's a proud franchise operator these
days, with snappy blue overalls and a large JS and
lightning logo on his chest. |
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I saw a guy jump a startled sheep once. |
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Were you in the south island at the time? |
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People would pay good money for this where I live. |
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Pure deja vu. 3331 days ago... |
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There should be a Nobel Prize for this under the _____ category <<(currently undefined) [+] |
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In Maine, we have a similar problem with tourists, who
exhibit many ovine behavioral traits. Does this mean I'm
allowed to electrocute them? |
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//Were you in the south island at the time?// |
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Naw. It takes a lot to startle a sheep there these days.
(and thank you blissy) |
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I should have waited another 2 days, [lurch]? |
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This can't work. BLUE overalls? What were you
thinking? Apart from the obvious reason, there is
also the fact that sheep are startled by the colour
blue, and are likely to freeze on the spot, regardless
of electrocution. This is one of the reasons why
sheep wranglers seldom wear blue. |
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That's actually a little-known but very interesting
phenomenon, [Lord Maxwell]. You see, while a sheep can
visually perceive the color blue, it is completely unable to
comprehend it. Therefore, anything that is predominantly
blue in color or pigmentation is visible to the sheep's eye
but _invisible_ to the sheep's mind, causing the poor to
suffer a moment of profound existential dread. |
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Sheep have excellent comprehension of all other colors,
however, so why this gap in cogitational capacity should
occlude only the color blue remains a mystery to science.
The most popular theory is that it is a genetic defect, a
trait passed from some obscure ancestral species that
evolved in an environment that contained nothing blue,
which gave this unknown proto-ovine no need to think
about the color blue or indeed even know what it was. |
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Fortunately, sheep have very short attention spans,
enabling them to forget what is so utterly terrifying about
not knowing what blue is before the shock of it sends them
into cardiac arrest. Usually. |
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//[Lord Maxwell]// Please, "Lord Maxwell" is so
stuffy and formal. "M'lud" will do fine. |
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But you are doubtless fully correct in your
observation regarding sheep. It's one of evolution's
little bludners, and is reminiscent of the Madagascar
Cave Lemur, which has the sharpest eyes of any
mammal but no visual cortex. |
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You, sir, are apparently a fuckwit. As you were. |
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[Ubie] loves me really. He just finds it difficult to
express himself, being Australian. Still, the "sir" is
an improvement. |
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Ah. Two alpha males, with only half a bakery between them - this was always going to be interesting. |
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If you would be so kind, gentlemen, as not to break up the furniture... |
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{gingerly moves the antique barometer-cum-blunderbuss out of harm's way, behind the hilsch-vortex beer-cooler} |
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{thinks: should I start taking side bets?} |
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//You, sir, are apparently a fuckwit.// And, right on cue, the other side of the deja vu coin. |
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No need to clear the room. I am quite happy to be a
beta fuckwit - it's a step up from my employer's
assessment. |
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// should I start taking side bets?// |
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We'll have a quid on [MB]. Although since
[UB] went to a boarding school too, he
probably fights equally dirty. |
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<Discreetly starts putting bottles under bar,
checks on Knobkerry, hopes piano won't get
shot again> |
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considering that I live in a country where we used to
have 80 million sheep for 4 million people, I would
buy this, purely to improve travel times along the back roads where sheep commonly block the road
while they bustle around your car trying to jump in.
[+] |
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//where the farmers secretly shag their sheep.//.
Whereas you're proud to flaunt your 'inter species love'
proclivities in the open as you feel no shame, eh [xenzag]?
In your case, I imagine the sheep involved are the ones who
go around in
dark
glasses and with their collars rolled up to cover their faces. |
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That's OK. Aardvark never hurt anyone. |
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//Aardvark never hurt anyone.// |
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It always starts with aardvarks - but before you know it
you're
looking
at an ugly zebu and wondering where your long weekend
went. |
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How insulting - a man has standards you know. |
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Who started this sheep - jumping thing anyway? [link] (graphic image warning) |
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I watched a goat dancing on top of someone's new
car when I was a child. VERY upset car owner. |
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//goat dancing //Just in time for the jubilee. |
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Gives "Do androids dream of electric sheep?" a whole new meaning. |
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It would be the end of the sport of roadkill. |
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