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En-ger-land football team are currently trying to find a new coach.
For years, football fans have stood on terraces and sat in bars, shouting abuse at professional athletes while wearing ill-fitting replica tops that only just stretch over their beer guts. "What was that? My gran could have scored
that! Why the hell are we playing 4-4-2?"
Football fans are loud and lairy, but surely over years and years of watching football, the mass conscience must have developed a good idea about what wins and loses football matches.
Never before has it been so easy to tap into that mass conscience. So why are the FA wringing their hands trying to choose a new football coach, when the fans could do it themselves?
Players could be voted into the team in a "pop idol" style television vote, and during matches players could be voted on and off the pitch by fans using text messages.
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//Players could be voted into the team// |
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This approach is done each year in the NBA for thier exhibition all-star game. |
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There is a flaw (or two!) with using this system: lack of accountability. Who'd you sack when England inevitably get gubbed? |
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I'm here reporting from the aftermath of one of the biggest football riots in history.
It appears it all started when French football fans took advantage of the novel coaching system in use by England's team.
The chaos was instigated when late in the game with England holding a one goal advantage, thousands of French fans sent in a text at precisely 3 minutes remaining telling the English team to pull the goalkeeper up to midfield (I don't know for sure if you can even do that in football).
We've been told that several English fans have broken fingers resulting from rapid texting in response to this move which was called football terrorism by one irate fan.
As the French team scored, the field was rushed by a berserker mass at which point a riot of battlefield proportions ensued.
Officials had no choice but to scratch the contest and are strongly considering avoiding a rematch and another potential riot. |
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//Who'd you sack when England inevitably get gubbed?// With collective responsibility maybe nobody would be calling for sackings. There would just be collective misery, or elation. OK, probably misery! |
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There's a relatively small club side that are managed by its fans in France. The name of the club eludes me (I am googling), but they pick the team, set the training schedules, buy & sell players etc. by democratic vote. |
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You'd probably have to have a subscription in order to be able to text. It might work if you took the proceeds from the subscription and put it towards player salaries (as well as the money you would have payed a coach). Better players, better team, probably. |
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I don't know much about "football". I know quite a bit about "American football". I could probably coach a High School team and competitively lose every game. Most coaches know just a bit more about the game than I do, I think. It would be harder to lose, having the best talent, though. |
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Couldn't the opposing team's fans make their rivals run stupid plays? |
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