h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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Not so much a jar, but more a readily concealable vessel
worn perhaps as a cod piece, under a hat or in the soles of
platform shoes. This contains an orbital mass of tiny swarming
ants, each clambering over the other in a pulsating orb of
exoskeletal rigidity. These ants are contented in
this state by
partially dissolved sweets of the kind one might find covered
in ants in the willd.
Just as easily concealed in a pocket, these ants can also be
stored in a briefcase if in contact with some part of the body
such as a pantleg. When a difficult social siutation arises
such as a meeting with a boss, break-up with a partner, or
being questioned by police, simply break open the Jar full of
Swarming Ants. You will feel a slight tingling sensation as the
thousands of insects expand the scope of their territory to the
last remaining freckle of your living flesh.
Then simply by screaming "ANTS!" or even sitting calmly and
leaving the other to panic, you will be delivered, at least
temporarily, from whatever unpleasntness induced the
release of the many ants.
Them!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Them!
We're gonna need a bigger jar... [MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 22 2012]
(?) Uncle Milton's Giant Ant Farm
http://www.antfarmu.com/product/0033
[jurist, Jul 26 2012]
[link]
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A natural counter to someone releasing a swarm of
angry bees. |
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Perhaps the giant ants keep jars of humans ready to disperse to scare the other giant ants. |
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[ ], not a - only because I pictured a red, glass-fronted box on the wall reading "In Case of Emergency..." with an anteater inside. |
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I'm thinking about keeping a jar with a little brown dust as
a conversation piece. |
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I almost seriously considered starting a jar farm... still haven't ruled it out completely. |
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When I was a child my dad built an above ground sandbox
out of
wooden planks. A small child could sit on the edge and
excavate etc. Well, years passed and that sand hardened.
One day that sandbox was to be destroyed. The planks
were removed to reveal something amazing. Countless
tunnels and chambers, and ants travelling through them
carrying white globs. The entire mound was their
dominion. However despite their best efforts to defend it
they could not resist the onslaught of shovels. |
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//despite their best efforts to defend it they could not resist the onslaught of shovels// in the short term. However, little did [rcarty] suspect the plans that even now, were nearing completion... |
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Ants don't really have the desired effect; a jar of swarming roaches, now... |
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It's ANTS dammit. I love it. + |
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Carrying that precious substrata. |
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The 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4 predicted that today would be the annual 'Day of the Thing with the Ants'. This day, that historically occurs 8 days after the 'Day of the Thing with the Bulls' in Tramplonya, Spain, is when the ants all sprout wings and cover our windscreen when you are doing 90 down the motorway with no screen wash.
Turns out that Radio 4 got it wrong.
Like the idea though! |
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A little large to conceal beneath a codpiece, but Uncle Milton has been providing a swarm of ants that can be readily transported in a briefcase or messenger bag or large purse for over fifty years. [link] |
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I'll post you a fire ant colony, if you really want some
fun. |
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The ant invasion arrived in my earthfloor kitchen today, winged and wingless. I don't recommend it as an experience. |
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