h a l f b a k e r yWhy on earth would you want that many gazelles anyway?
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Squidding means spraying obscuring ink, a slang internet
journalism term (that I made up) giving a nod the days
when news was
printed in ink. It's not only bad writing at work here, it's
purposefully getting people to scroll down to see as
many
ads as possible as the writer meanders brainlessly
through rambling nonsense having nothing to do with the
headline. Stuff like:
"Aliens Land In Times Square! Turn
Citizens Into Stone With Death Ray!"
Then you click on
the link and reads:
"When I was a youngster, I often would
tie my shoes that had "Aliens" themed shoelaces. My
dog's name was Al, which is the first letter in the word
"Aliens". Sometimes I get a new toothbrush and think
"What ever happened to that toothbrush I took camping?"
or I'll see a bird and think "That's pretty." I remember one
time I was watching a car dive by and thought "Blue.
That's definitely a shade of blue I haven't seen before.
Kind of metallic." Or the time I walked out of my
bedroom and counted the steps it took to get the living
room: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.... OH mom bought potato chips. Shoot, where
was I, I'll start again... one, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen,
fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-
three, twenty-four..."
See link showing how bad this is getting. It's an article on
a
NFL player's tattoo that he's had to address in this PC
fascist society of ours because... who cares?
But it doesn't show the tattoo. You clicked, we gotcha,
haha.
There needs to be a way to fight back.
All news articles need to have 5 squid outlines at the
top.
A time waster like this, talking about a "controversial"
tattoo that they don't even show would get 5 squids.
Click
on the far right squid to rank it.
That way, when somebody sees a link with a 5 squid
rating,
they don't waste their time.
Don't bother.
https://www.washing...r-tattoo-doesnt-re/
It doesn't show the tattoo. I didn't care anyway, but now I'm pissed. [doctorremulac3, Apr 26 2020]
[link]
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Ok, there's a way to do this. If there's a combination of
letters or numbers that look like a squid, you can just post it
in the comments. Let me try something... |
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(0)
) (
( ) Hmm. Nope, that doesn't work. |
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// There needs to be a way to fight back. // |
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We suggest random, violent beatings. |
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If those responsible for the "squidding" can be the recipients of the beatings, that would be even better. |
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OK, I've stopped laughing now. |
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Back to typing squid looking characters. |
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Hardly Archieteuthis dux, but a start. |
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Be not downhearted; for proficiency in ASCII art, you need solid experience on an ASR-33 teletype, and far too much time on your hands. |
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Holy shit that's perfect!!! |
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I give reluctant, even bitter kudos for that. |
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Your discomfiture and humiliation is most gratifying. Is there any other way in which we can make your worthless life less meaningful ? |
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Yes, keep coming up with pictures from type fonts. Spend
lots and lots of time on it. Devote your entire life to it in
fact. |
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I hope you don't because that would really be horrible for
me. Every day would be a living hell. Oh shoot, did I just tell
my biggest vulnerability to the world? Seeing people make
little figures out of text? |
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Where's the erase switch on this thing? |
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It's too late, our servers have already captured your work, including the failed attempt at multiple squids that you so rapidly deleted. |
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We have saved that to inflict further humiliation on you.* |
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Generating ASCII imagery uses such a minuscule proportion of our total computational capacity that an attempt to quantify the actual amount would consume more resource than the task under scrutiny. |
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*Alternatively, used notes, nothing bigger than a 20, the usual place, will secure our discretion. |
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Some of it isn't deliberate malfeasance on the part of the site, but an artifact of paying writers by the word. |
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You're right, that's probably another factor. |
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8th, I'm so humiliated, but I take solace in knowing you
don't have any more text art in you. |
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Frankly it's the only thing giving my life meaning. It's
breathed new hope into my bleak existence. |
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Please, please, please be kind and don't spend any more
times proving your superiority by making little animals
and figures out of text. |
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But I know you don't have the ability to do that more than
once anyway. |
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Actually, there are several, but we're going to make you scroll right down to the bottom to find out what they are. |
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Unless you care to go the "used notes" route as suggested above. |
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OK, how come this doesn't work? How do you get them to
stay in line? |
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It's a donkey butt. Clever but poorly executed. |
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So how do I put them together. Anybody? 8th isn't going to
tell me. |
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Why not join the Collective and find out ? |
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That's better than a bleak, meaningless future crammed with nothing but humiliation, failure, despair and self-loathing, shirley ? |
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Would you like to see our Owl ...? |
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I don't believe you can do an owl. |
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Ohhh, I get it, you expect me to sit here refreshing the
screen for hours waiting for that owl. |
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Well it's been two hours already and you know something?
I'm on to this little ruse! |
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One more hour and I'm off. |
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Place a < br > (without spaces) after each segment. Make sure to insert a space before the < > if the characters are nearing thirty in number or it will just bounce. |
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^____^
| o v o |
|-------|
|>---<|
|/____\|
|-m-m-|
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Would you like us to show him flying ? Would you like a Lesser Horned Owl? Catching a female chipmunk ? |
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Dance for us, monkey boy, dance ! |
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[2fries], why did you have to spoil it? |
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This is an outrage! I've never been so insulted! |
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Catching the chipmunk please. |
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Thank you 2fries. Perhaps I can start to rebuild my life now. |
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//I've never been so insulted! // |
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Oh you must have been, shirley ? |
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// Catching the chipmunk please. // |
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Only if you beg. Go on, on your knees. Assume the position. Can you squeal like a pig ? |
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So that's what you're into? |
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Let's stick with making cute characters out of letters. |
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How do I put a space before the question mark and the II?
My donkey butt is close but still not there. |
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Not us. We just make the videos. You won't believe what some customers will pay for that sort of thing. |
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It's time for your close-up. |
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2fries, how do you put that space in? |
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OK, I'll just leave it with that little lean to the right. Good
enough. Makes it more sassy. |
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// how do you put that space in? // |
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Oh, you mean in the text. |
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Keep still, will you ? You're making it awkward to light the scene properly. And the donkey butt is unconvincing; we produce a premium product at BorgCo studios, you know. |
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Unless you actually enjoy all the re-takes ? |
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Dang boy, you into some weirrrrd shit. |
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No, you don't understand, we don't morally censure, we just want the money. |
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doctorremulac3 your attempt and failure of doing an
ASCII squid made me chuckle out loud. Thank you. |
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Now for my breakfast, choco hazelnut pillows. |
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Glad you enjoyed it, now how do I get my donkey
butt
tail to move to the right? |
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We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you ... and the donkey too, but that would be needlessly cruel* and will add unnecessarily to the production costs of the movie. |
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*Needful cruelty is, as always, perfectly acceptable. |
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Still working on your gay, anal rape / humiliation
fantasy porn eh? |
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Everyone needs a hobby I guess, but I think we're OK
with not hearing any more details about this one. |
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Hobby ? Purely a commercial project. The things you humans get up to, and will pay to watch, are seemingly limitless. |
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You're just bitter because you couldn't match our Squid and Owl. You admitted it. |
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Sorry 8th but I remember how frustrating it was to work out how you guys did that stuff. |
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[dr3] there is no way to leave blank spaces. If you look closely you'll see that the squid segments 8th did are all fully touching the left side of the column with no indents, while the owl has flat lines to align some segments. I usually use periods. |
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..<( )>
..((o))
./ I I \
.I .I.I.I |
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At one point you could leave blank spaces here but that changed just before the thirty character rule came into being. |
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Shame on you, [2fries]. Now he won't have to perform on camera to find out the secrets, and we'll have to start blackmailing someone else. Our shooting schedule will slip. Our clients will be disappointed. |
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<Stares ruefully at elaborate ASCII art of Lesser Horned Owl catching a female chipmunk/> |
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We did perspective and everything... |
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Good, I like that this conversation has returned to
how to type pictures of stuff. |
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I'm satisfied with my donkey. It's got a little hip
shift
to the right, the new tail adds to this visual
implication. |
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I title it: "The ass, he be gettin' sassy with its ass
see?" |
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OK ... [2fries] is right about the fact that leading whitespace gets trimmed. |
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You can get round that by building a structure on the left margin that anchors the main image. So, don't just draw a donkey; Draw half a tree on the left, and then the full donkey to the right of it. |
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)
)))
||))
||}
||
||
| \
------
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^ Half a tree. A pine or fir tree is easier. |
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If you then draw a "full" tree on the right, more clearly representational, and syndiotactic with the left-hand one, then the eye/brain system will surreptitiously convert the crude half-tree to the concept of a full tree, part of which is not visible (but is inferred to be present). |
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It's easier on a Teletype, because then you can left-pad with whitespace. |
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Remember that depending on the display type, and the font, the spacing will change, so what looks perfect on one display (pc) will look disjointed on another (tablet). Unfortunately there's no way round that, because you need to be able to specify fixed-pitch fonts without proportional spacing. Many more primitive devices don't support that. |
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Someday our grandkids will ask: "What did you do during the
great pandemic of 2020 grandpa?" |
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We will say, "We told people they were behaving like dolts, failing to apply critical thinking, and misunderstanding the available data, but mostly they ignored us and had a really miserable time, unnecessarily. The ones that did listen and understand were too few to make a difference, but at least they became lighthouses of rationality and comprehension in a swirling ocean of stupidity, panic, lies, half-truths, and media-fuelled delusional nightmares". |
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What are you going to say ? |
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"I tried to draw a donkey using only ASCII characters, but with very limited success." |
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At least our Owl and Squid looked reasonably recognizable ... |
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Stay with the idea, though. Another 24 hours and we will have beaten any remaining shreds of self-respect and worth out of you, leaving you with destroyed confidence and amenable to any suggestion, however bizarre, that promises to restore any sense of meaning to your existence. |
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And then you will be ours. |
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Don't feel bad about it. We do this stuff* all the time, and are remarkably good at it. |
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*Both ASCII art, and systematically destroying people's character and confidence, by a relentless, meticulously-planned attack. The art is a bit quicker and easier. |
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I'll tell them I was responsible for part of a vital
piece of the planet's infrastructure, the thing we're
all using here. I'll leave out the part about wasting
time arguing about how to type out little characters. |
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That sounds wise. It might even work. |
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Drat, drat and double-drat .... |
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Who needs entertainment when you have the offtopic
comments on Halfbakery. |
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Those too dull-witted to understand them ? |
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Do you have a Github account eighth? |
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Check out my ideas page on Github. It's linked in my profile |
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So Github is like the Halfbakery only for software
development and with an eye towards collaboration?
Am I reading that right? |
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//Github is like the Halfbakery// |
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There's only pockets of sarcasm and ritual humiliation at
Github. |
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And you almost never get gloating misanthropy and sneering - at least, not the top quality stuff you can get here. |
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Even the smug, scornful sneering is, to say the least, rather half-hearted. |
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