International Turd Registry

(Based on that asinine "National Star Registry" scam where it’s allegedly impressive to purchase a picture of an object 10 gazillion light years away and then name it after someone you love)

This is a similar gift, although in this case you are naming someone after a bowel movement. It is meant to be given to someone who has caused you pain, sorrow, misfortune, or who is just an outright ass.

Surprise the idiot in your life by commissioning the International Turd Registry to produce an original bowel movement in their honor; they can help you immortalize that not-so-special someone by officially naming a piece of crap after them. This is by far one of the most original and entertaining ways to exact a silent revenge on your arch-nemesis.

Imagine the look on their face when they open the mystery package which has been anonymously sent to them..only to discover that they have entered into the International Turd Registry as a pile of human feces!

Recipients receive a handsomely-framed birth certificate for the bowel movement which will include the recipient’s full name. The certificate will indicate the turd’s vital features as such as color, texture, consistency, porosity, shape, moisture level, smoothness, degree of striping, odor, and approximate length and girth, as well as the exact time and place which the turd was dispatched. A full-color photo of the newly-born turd will also be provided so that you may see the beautiful resemblance. This information will be permanently recorded into the International Turd Registry where it will remain, forever.