International Rescue Museum

Barbarians at the gate ? Germany glancing at your country again with that familiar calculating gaze ? Returned home to find Customs and Excise on the answering machine ?

No worries.

For a small yearly retainer our crack team of experts will literally swoop down and save those irreplaceable cultural artifacts, long before they're removed or destroyed.

Once we've given your precious' the once-over and installed the communications gear, preferably in a hidden room behind the library shelves, our eclectic fleet of fast aircraft and ships are at your disposal.

(Did you know that the Eiffel Tower can be disassembled and fit into 3 container ships in less than a day and a half ? We did it twice during last year's World Cup when nobody was watching.)

While you're sorting things out with the art critics, your finery will be on display at Millionaire's Island in international-waters (as featured in Lifestyles of the Rich and Heinous), one of the most exclusive resorts in the world and proud homebase of IMR.

In the case of out of doors exhibits we'll even send in a landscaping team to make it look like there was nothing there in the first place:

International Birch and Fescue.