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With the modern hype and push to more natural foodstuffs, where are you going to get the synthesized chemicals now absent from your diet?
Our new In-Organics line promises to produce nothing that hasn't been fully prepared in a laboratory. No naturally occurring substance will go into any of our
products.
We also pledge to do everything in our power to fill the void in your dietary needs. All fats will be saturated fats and we are currently working on making our trans-fat inclusion percentage 100. Any sweeteners will be suplimented with saccharin and a synthesised version of corn syrup (its about 73% more sweet and has 89% more calories than ordinary high-fructose corn syrup). All water used is at least 94% deutrium based.
Please note that packaging may be larger than the actual volume of the product in order to accomadate the lengthy names of our ingredients listed on the side(s) of the package.
Also try our UltraHigh Sodium, MSG Puh-lease, and Uber-Gluten lines of products.
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Every atom hand-bonded into position by
small teams of rural catalysts....[+] |
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If the constituents of most vegetables
(organic or otherwise) were analysed by
the same criteria applied to food additives,
the results would terrify you. |
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So vegies are made of...chemicals? |
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[Texticle], tell me you are kidding. |
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The point is that :
(a) plants contain many different
chemicals which are known to be nasty
(b) they often contain them at far higher
levels than would be allowed if they
were man-made contaminants.
(c) it doesn't matter a demibollock
anyway, since the actual levels are just
part of the background noise of life,
and there is a lot of noise. The man-
made crap is, as often as not,
insignificant compared to the natural
crap. Plants really do not care if they
give you cancer. |
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[MaxwellBuchanan], of course I was kidding. We all know that vegies aren't made of chemicals. |
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Kidding again. Or was I? Yes, I was. |
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Is there such a thing as a rhetorical
answer? And, if so, can it be given in
response to a rhetorical question? |
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You do realize that neither of the
preceding questions was intended to be
rhetorical, don't you? |
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The following items are listed in order of decreasing common levels of consciousness (DCLC):
Plants
The Moon
PS3s
Books
Art
Chairs
Baseballs
Hammers
Rocks
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As you can see, plants rule a vast assembly of things. We should ease up on them and maybe stop eating them. [+] |
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//No naturally occurring substance will go into any of our products.//
Baked (or, rather, contrived by some fearsome alchemical process) in the form of the Hostess Twinkie. And possibly Chicken McNuggets. And Lucozade. |
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From Good Omens (by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman).
CHOW TM contained spun, plaited, and woven protein molecules, capped and coded, carefully designed to be ignored by even the most ravenous digestive tract enzymes; no-cal sweeteners; mineral oils replacing vegetable oils; fibrous materials, colorings, and flavorings. The end result was a foodstuff almost indistinguishable from any other except for two things. Firstly, the price, which was slightly higher, and secondly, the nutritional content, which was roughly equivalent to that of a Sony Walkman. [...] |
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MEALS TM was CHOW TM with added sugar and fat. The theory was that if you ate enough MEALS TM you would a) get very fat, and b) die of malnutrition. |
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//twinkies. [we_dont_eat_them].// In that case, what was the // mmm. // for? |
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