Ice Scraper

Had this idea earlier, as I visited the toilets here in the office. I did not stop in the first 'trap' I chose. There were signs of an earlier struggle.

The bog brush is a dreadful invention. Anyone who's ever 'flicked' their thumb through the bristles of a wet toothbrush will share my dislike. What's needed is a new suite of tools, that can be flushed.

Rewind my earlier scene. I enter the cubicle and spy the man-nutella which has been left around the bowl. Tutting my disapproval, I open the in-lav chiller cabinet and browse the tools there stowed.

Each is a frozen-water scraper, poker, or shovel affair. I choose the most appropriate, a thing like a four-inch paintbrush, but naturally not bristled, as it is entirely ice. I pop the tool from its plastic 'ice-cube' mould, and I mentally prepare.

I delve, I poke, I push. I retch, a bit, but someone's got to do it. The ice-brush is of course hard and unyielding, and so is not the perfect scraper, but its edge yields a bit as the warmer-than-zero porcelain melts it slightly to shape. In the end the job is done to satisfaction, and the brush can be left melting in the pan. I pee. I poo. I flush. Maybe the whole brush didn't flush this time, not wholly melted yet, but at least it's not upside down dripping another man's turd into its holder next to the lav.

Other tools, like a long, inch-thick icicle might be used for encouraging 'survivors' or bits of air-filled paper round the bend. A few sharp taps on the bowl should break it into manageable chunks for melting/flushing. I've said too much.