I See DVD Renters

This evening I was perusing DVD's for the purpose of rental. As I browsed the 'recent weekly' section, I was interrupted by a young female who found it neccessary to peruse with great gusto the exact square footage of DVD display that I was also perusing.

'It is a large store.' I reminded myself, 'Why is she standing so close to me to look at less than a dozen titles that I see before me?' This situation occurs often, but there is an unspoken politeness protocol whereby if someone is in the section you want to look through, you simply totter about the Patrick Swayze section or similar cobwebbed area until the desired area is free.

In this situation I at first stood my ground. I thought she might get the idea that I was here first, and that she must wait her turn. But it got uncomfortable. She was virtually reading the back of the DVD's I had under my arm - so I admitted defeat and sauntered backwards to the Swayze section - peering over the aisle peripherally with my hands in my pockets waiting for her to leave the area.

This incident gave me a frightful sense of non existence. I felt like somehow she didnt see me - like i was the DVD shop equivalent of Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. Or even Patrick Swayze in Ghost for that matter (as I noticed from spending so long in his section).

The apparatus that I suggest in response to this problem can be worn in any situation such as supermarkets, post offices, churches, DVD shops - what have you. Made entirely of Nerf brand material, it is a skirt like device that you strap around your waist as you enter the environment. 4 foot tendrils much like spokes on a bicycle radiate from your hips to keep rude people at a distance. On the tip of each Nerf tendril is a bell to alert your presence as you move through the aisles.

A siren is strapped to the head and fastened tightly under the chin, and if at any time you feel your personal space is being invaded, a quick flick of a switch will turn its high pitched sound in the 'on' position. This will alert them to their over zealous proximity and hopefully staff will quickly dash forward to separate them from you.

When you leave the DVD store, supermarket, church etc, simply hang your Nerf skirt and siren hat on the hooks provided near the door for the next person who enters.