h a l f b a k e r yThe mutter of invention.
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The traditional biathlon involves the two seemingly
unconnected disciplines of skiiing and shooting.
Presumably, these two activities were picked randomly
out
of a hat at the end of a drunken evening by the olympics
committee.
In any event, it's an odd combination. The only thing to
be
said for it is that demands a combination of physical
exertion (for the skiiing bit) and fine muscular control
(for
the shooting bit).
I suggest that a better and more demanding combination
of sports would be lumberjacking and watchmaking.
Contestants would be required to shin up a series of 50ft
poles using belts and tree-spikes. In between, they
would
be required to dismantle, clean, lubricate and
reassemble
(to running condition) a succession of progressively finer-
calibre watches, starting with an early American railroad
pocket-watch, and concluding with a 12mm ladies'
wristwatch.
I want [8th]'s hat please
http://farm3.static...1418_7b55f0fb34.jpg
Clearly loads of these about... [theleopard, Sep 14 2011]
[link]
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Oh, you mean for the biathlon. |
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The watches would be at the tops of the poles. |
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I don't really think the Polish do these things... |
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Biathlon events are always disappointing because
the contestants are not asked to perform the two
disciplines at the same time. So, shooting while
skiing would be much more exciting to watch(*),
and
the contestant would have to make a fine mental
judgement of their abilities - if they slow down,
they'll lose points for speed, but on the other
hand they'll be able to shoot more accurately.
Likewise, if the two events were Rodeo and
Embroidery, or, as [Max-B] suggests, Horology and
Lumberjacking, paying too much attention to one
discipline will affect your performance in the
other.
(*) - and much more relevant to real
life. Have the Olympic Committee never seen a
James Bond film? |
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// seemingly unconnected discplines of skiiing and
shooting. // |
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It only seems that way to people who've never gone deer
hunting in the winter. The challenge lies in it being very
hard to accurately and rapidly fire a rifle after extended
periods of exertion. |
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//It only seems that way to people who've never
gone deer hunting in the winter.// |
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I'm prepared to wager [8th]'s hat that there are as
many lumberjacks with broken watches in the world
as there are people who hunt deer on skis*. |
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*[please note that I have left open the option of
making "deers on skis" jokes, should anyone wish to
avail themselves.] |
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// very hard to accurately and rapidly fire a rifle after extended periods of exertion // |
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Accuracy is indeed difficult. However, rapidity of fire is not; we commend to your attention the excellent and rugged M1 Garand (available in .30-06 chambering, as well as in .308 Winchester), the M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle ("the lightest production automatic gun to fire the .30-06 Springfield cartridge"), or the superb and ageless BREN, chambered for the 7.92mm Mauser round; the addition of a side-mounted telescopic sight to the BREN will deliver very acceptable accuracy well beyond the quoted maximum range of 550 metres; a carefully set up .303 version will deliver the same accuracy at 800m as a Lee-Enfield No.1 Mk. IV with the same ammunition. but has the added benefit of being able to deliver full-auto fire at the twitch of the change lever*. |
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(* It is now considered best practice to clearly and explicitly warn the other range users that you are about to do this, lest alarm verging on panic ensue.) |
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This is utter brilliance, [MaxB]! I can hardly wait until the network contracts to cover these events begin to roll in. I, for one, am waiting with bait breath. [+] |
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Freshly returned from the sushi bar? |
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[8th], can you mail your hat to [theleo]? I hate
reneging on a bet. Cheers. |
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// can you mail your hat to [theleo] // |
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No problem, we will even put a fresh aluminium foil lining in it. |
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Isn't this really just a well disguised version of Chess Boxing and, therefore, not an original idea (well, concept really, rather than idea).
Personally, if I was going to combine two activities into a single sport, I'd go for something with lots of scoring and make each score contingent on some sort of intellectual test. So, Spelling Bee Basketball for instance. |
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//Isn't this really just a well disguised version of
Chess Boxing// |
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No. If I had suggested replacing the chess with
watchmaking, and the boxing with lumberjacking,
then it would obviously be derivative. |
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However, what I am *actually* suggesting is
replacing the chess with the lumberjacking, and
the boxing with the watchmaking. Clearly a
different concept allentiregether. |
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Humphrey Lyttleton would be so proud. |
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Have you ever thought of trying to sing one song to the tune of another ? |
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No, but I sometimes hum the words to a different
melody. |
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You just have to be different, don't you ? What are you, a rebel without a cause ? |
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//You just have to be different, don't you ? What are
you, a rebel without a cause ?// |
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I just like to walk on the wild side. Heck, sometimes
I wear one odd sock and the other one matching.
Pasta la vista, baby. |
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Would it not be very tiresome for the spectators? (+ for that alone) Incidentally re the socks thing.... I make a point of never wearing matching socks. In fact I have nothing that matches anything, my favs being red New Balance running shoes combined with one blue sock and one yellow one. |
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//Would it not be very tiresome for the spectators?// |
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May I suggest: Competitor 1 must climb the odd-numbered poles to do timepiece repair, and use an axe to fell the even-numbered poles. Conversely, competitor 2 climbs even, fells odd... |
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Is there not some way for one competitor to fell the pole of another while they are still up there? Of course there is! |
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//I make a point of never wearing matching socks.// |
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I prefer to confuse people by only wearing *one*
sock that matches. |
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//Conversely...// I've put it to the vote and I'm in
favour. |
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//what I am *actually* suggesting //
Ah yes, it all becomes so much clearer when you put it like that. |
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[Maxwell], [8th]'s hat just arrived. It fits perfectly
onto our head. Slight cranial twinge. We are fine
now. |
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//red New Balance running shoes// You mean the shoes match? |
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//shoes match?// yep, two lefts |
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// rapidity of fire is not // |
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I should have been more clear; I made rapidly recovering
and shifting targets. |
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And yes, as the Borg well know, I am quite familiar with a
great number of firearms with high ROFs. I even own a
few. Smart-alec. |
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Also, despite [MaxB]'s unnecessary and hateful remarks
concerning the honorable and very difficult sport of
Biathalon, I like this idea. [+] |
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Furthermore, I have no problem with deer on skis, since I
do not ride motorcycles in the winter. |
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//BREN ... same accuracy as a Lee-Enfield ... full-auto// |
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But not at the same time or for that matter close to the same time. Unless you were planning on combining the 'skiing' bit with small-arms recalibration. |
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also, technically 'BrEn' or just plain old 'Bren'. |
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// But not at the same time or for that matter close to the same time // |
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// technically 'BrEn' or just plain old 'Bren'. // |
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Yes, but somehow it seems to deserve the capitalisation ... like those versions of the bible that use "... and the LORD spake unto Moses, saying ...." |
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