h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Live music show of popular classics and smooth jazz hits, identical in every respect to typical affairs such as this, save for the intermittent, irregular sharp breaks in music, where melody is replaced with the disembodied voice of a bunged-up lackwit intoning blankly "Your call is in a queue and will
be dealt with as soon as an operator is free" whereupon music starts again, as if nothing had happened.
Repeat for ever.
One of the shorter Distintegration Loops
http://www.youtube....watch?v=zhfKK547r94
[calum, Jun 28 2013]
[link]
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I'm confused: many call waiting systems allow you to plug in the radio station of your choice, making this an everyday occurrence out there in office land. Widely Baked, I say. |
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At no point during this show is anybody actually on the telephone. The attendees are sitting in plush velveteen seats, sucking on mint imperials and moving their false teeth around in their heads. It's a *live music event* not an option for hold music - hence the term "live music show" and the choice of category as "culture: music show" (as opposed to "business: please hold"). |
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Also, having now spent more of my life on hold than asleep, I am intrigued by these radio station plug ins, the likes of which I have never encountered before. |
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It's the popularization of MOH*. |
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*Music On Hold, Music Of Hell... |
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I can visualise (audio-ise Shirley?) a new dance/techno track which will beat along in a fast rhythm - only to stop once in a while at regular intervals: a polite voice intones "Putting you on hold"; a few bars of 'Greensleeves'; and then back to the frenetic beats. |
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Instant dance club classic. You know the score (+) |
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I'd like them to sing along with the music. No interruptions. "Your call... is important to us..." tra la la.... |
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For all those idiots who buy local cable TV in strong signal areas, and will also miss the fact that a Radio doesn't run up your phone bill! |
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"Your call is very important to us. However, we are currently experiencing high call volume and wait times may exceed two hours. Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received." followed by a nice soothing rendition (either by Zamfir or Kenny G.) of "Once, twice, three times a lady" is enough to drive me postal. |
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[mr] That's baked by They Might Be Giants. Dial-a-Song 718-387-6962. It's free when you call from work. |
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There's a jazz piece I've been trying to find called call waiting that's similar to this idea, but not as jarring...just easy vibes and bass with a soothing female voice occaisionally commenting - also available as a piano solo...I like the jarringness of this idea more... |
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The part of my brain that's prone to recursion wants this music show to be a smash hit, spawning million-selling live CDs and bringing to bloom a brand new musical genre - a genre that is wholeheartedly embraced by operators of call centres as an ideal choice for hold music. Feed it through the loop again and again and again and forever and you'll be able to claim the title of "Originator of the World's Most Broken Music." |
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Oh boy I can hear it now - nightmares tonight. |
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If it was in public: evil I'd give it a + vote. But its not so it gets a fish, for being really evil. Sorry. |
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I'm voting this one up. It's the holding pattern experience of a lifetime. I would buy t-shirts and bring an oversized inflatable phone to the concerts. |
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William Basinski's Disintegration Loops would work quite nicely as deteriorating hold music: short passages of pretty chill contemporary classical looped over and over, with each loop being slightly - only slightly - decayed until you've been on hold for an hour or so and all that is left is a faint static interrupted by patches of seemingly distant music. |
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Another version would be to loop your phone's posh robot lady
voice directions over songs, layering journey after journey on
top, to produce through repetition of the same journey a
creamy, Beach Boysian effect, or through having less deeply
entrenched habits, a wall of incomprehensibly overlapping
imperatives. |
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[calum] I hope you were not on hold listening to the music all that while trying to get through to the halfbakery to reannotate this idea. |
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