h a l f b a k e r yNaturally, seismology provides the answer.
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For the more "adventurous" of your girlfriends/f**k buddies.
A tasteful, red silk covered, heart shaped box of hollow chocolate hearts, supplied with a syringe kit, so that they may be filled with your own spunk as a personalised valentines token of your amorous feelings.
[link]
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I'll bet you're great company over dinner. |
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Ah, the perfect dessert to go with YOUR BALLS GRILLED ON A STICK! Have a fishbone instead. |
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I see I'm not alone in liking this idea. Should I get help? |
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While I've no plans to buy these chocolates come Valentine's Day (so to speak), I don't *think* this was written just to gross people out (admittedly I might be wrong about that), and I think there are at least some open-minded/kinky/utterly crazy (delete as desired) people out there who would be amused/aroused to receive this gift. And it'll provide a good learning opportunity for the guy who gives this gift to his girlfriend *without* carefully considering her wishes and feelings, a chance to learn some valuable lessons about how to be a thoughtful, mature boyfriend and how to sew his balls back on. |
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Mind you, I suspect it would sell better if you replace 'spunk' in your advertising with phrases more like, 'the most intimate gift you can give your lover - the gift of your passion' or something along those lines. |
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I'm against most any idea that involves my male member and a syringe. I'm also against most any idea that involves the possibility of fetid semen leaking out of a food product. |
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Please include some technical details about how the surprise inside these chocolates is sealed up... and PRESERVED, since it will likely take multiple production sessions to fill a whole box of the candy... And STERILIZED, since you may not want to impregnate every kink you give a box of this stuff to. |
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Disturbing song quote: "She read in a book once that chocolate is good both in you, and on you for sexual pleasure." |
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You know, I've never been on the receiving end, but spunk just seems the kind of thing that would be much better delivered directly than after sitting in a container, any container, for a while. For that reason, I think it's a non-starter, not because it's icky. |
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"Why do these chocolates taste of asparagus?" |
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//Why do these chocolates taste of asparagus?// |
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Are you speaking from experience? |
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I'll join [wagster] and [imaginality] in expressing my support for this idea. What else can you expect in the food:genital section of the halfbakery supermarket?
I'm bunning this idea for the benfrostian possibility of valentines vagina-jam chocolates. |
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//And STERILIZED, since you may not want to impregnate every kink you give a box of this stuff to// |
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I'm just throwing this out there, ok, but I always got the impression from Sex Ed that women couldn't get pregnant by injesting semen, nor by kissing boys, holding hands or sitting on a warm toilet seat. |
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Against my better judgement I donate this red silk covered personalised valentines croissant for your delectation, and most definitely agree with [boysparks]' Eurotrash supposition. |
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//you may not want to impregnate every
kink you give a box of this stuff to// |
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Those particular girls would be giving a far
too literal interpretation to the aphorism,
"Chocolate is a substitute for Love"... |
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"Hello darling, I come bearing gifts" |
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Don't mix these up with the chocolates you bought for Mother's Day |
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A cheaper version might just be to spunk in a card. |
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No, it's a kit. Chocolates and special spunk syringe. |
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...for disaster? If I gave these to my fiance, she'd kill me. |
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//Chocolates and special spunk syringe.// |
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Assuming the syringe is for injecting the spunk into the chocolates, how does one extract the spunk? I always thought that spunk extraction (by someone else, of course) was the essential purpose of Valentines Day ... |
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A man's genitalia is just a type of oversized biological syringe anyways... |
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//A man's genitalia is just a type of oversized biological syringe anyways// |
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Now now, let's conduct ourselves with a little more modesty shall we gentlemen? |
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//Y'know it could have been worse. The idea might have been for assorted flavours.// |
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I've been told that one's diet has an influence on the taste. |
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the next idea will be for Cadbury's
(Fertile)
Creme Eggs |
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some poor sod will mark his halfbakery birthday with this idea. |
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Do you mean someone's going to eat a... ? No. You couldn't have. |
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jeesh - not another box of breeding
chocolates ! |
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Interestingly enough, there are (or were) superstitions in some African tribes that if a man can surreptitiously feed a woman his semen (as in, without her knowledge), she will fall in love with him.
That said, the last thing I want to be doing on valentine's day is jacking off...as Noexit and Nuclear Hobo said before me. |
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[admin: there's enough of a split to make me resist the MFD; it's not clear to me whether the author expects to offend or is just unusually open.] |
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Warning: This product contains nut derivatives. |
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"LIfe is like a box of chocolates that you dont want to let melt in your snizz" |
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If you have unwated guests, these chocolates would be ideal if the were available as after eight mints!
After handning them round you can gleefully tell evey one you made them yourself |
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...and if the gift-giver is a poor lover, they could be called 'after eight minutes'. |
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There has to be a flavoring or additive that makes any/most semen taste good. If not, the inside of these chocolates could still be filled with something to disguise the flavor, and have only a little semen injected into them. |
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Damn! I thought that was _flavors_ and have worked my way up to 37. |
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"These are great chocolates, Darling. You must have spent a lot." |
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I'm hoping to avoid having to look at the origin dates of every idea in this category in order to determine how we got this category in the first place - is there a story? |
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