h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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Recently, I was made aware that tornado-strength winds
can propel straw into trees. This is quite cool. This got
me
thinking about the possibility of driving other plant-
derived products into one another for the purposes of
good, clean, family fun.
Now, Rosemary is quite a spiky herb. It
also works well
when scattered liberally over and around potatoes while
roasting. Over and around. Not THROUGH. Through is
often better, so, a kitchen gadget consisting of a high
pressure gas supply, a trigger and a barrel would be
appropriate here. Something like a paintball gun.
Although
paintball guns only hit about 200 mph, a tame tornado.
So
a souped-up paintball gun then. Let's face it, cloves and
peppercorns have always looked more like ammunition
than food anyway.
Once constructed, this gun will of course require some
research and development. I expect issues with
propellant
blow-past. For this reason a sabot, made of potato or
perhaps beef dripping would be ideal. Then we can all go
about liberally embedding herbs, or mixed ammunition,
like a full bouquet garnet, into whatever we see fit.
Perhaps the best consequence of this device will be to
bring phrases like "shrapnel", "recoil", "un-commanded
discharge", and "tactical thyme" into the common
kitchen
vernacular.
Who broke my heart? You did, you did...
http://www.youtube....watch?v=El56LobK7_g
[normzone, Dec 12 2013]
88 mm - combine butchering and spicing in one fell swoop
https://www.google....iletype=&as_rights=
[normzone, Dec 12 2013]
Light gas gun
http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Light_gas_gun
[normzone, Dec 16 2013]
Lead from bullets
http://www.ncbi.nlm...rticles/PMC1352636/
[bs0u0155, Dec 16 2013]
Season Shot
http://www.seasonshot.com/Home.cfm
It's shot made from seasoning. [Alterother, Dec 17 2013]
Guerilla Gardening
http://weburbanist....-with-flower-seeds/
And this is what you use when you want to randomly plant your herbs for later seasoning your food. [jurist, Dec 21 2013]
Plant your spices the same way.
http://www.flowershell.com/
[AusCan531, Dec 22 2013]
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Annotation:
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That's a nail-gun like motif. This is has a little more
range. In fact, you can invest in the 88 mm if you
need a whole cow doing. |
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This is probably the best ever halfbakery food idea. |
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The BorgCo R&D facilities and test range are at your complete disposal, free of charge. |
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I never finished my steam powered popcorn gun prototype, or the associated murder mystery story. Issues with availability of butter in the correct gauge, and PSI limits vs popcorn response rates hindered the project. |
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You could talk to [Alterother] re his experiments with firing flower seeds out of firearms cartridges for reference information. |
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Is the subtitle an ABC reference? |
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now, would corn kernels, embedded deeply within
chicken produce a nice explosive effect when baked?
Sort of internally tenderized popcorn chicken. |
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//Is the subtitle an ABC reference?// |
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If I said "yes" it would cease to be subtle... sorry
subtitle ;-) |
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//Recently, I was made aware that tornado-
strength winds can propel straw into trees. This is
quite cool. // |
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It is also quite untrue. I'm sure we had this
debate on another idea here, but a straw will not
stick into a solid piece of wood, however hard you
blow it. By the same token, if a tree is blown into
a piece of straw, the straw will come off worst. |
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That's not to say, though, that cloves and
peppercorns can't be used as buckshot for a piece
of meat. [+] |
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//It is also quite untrue. I'm sure we had this
debate on another idea here, but a straw will not
stick into a solid piece of wood, however hard you
blow it. By the same token, if a tree is blown into
a piece of straw, the straw will come off worst.// |
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No, that was 2x4 wood into concrete. Straw is
slightly more plausible, although I've since youtube
edumacated myself via the medium of air-cannon
equipped Mythbusters. Straw will stick into a tree,
a 1/4 inch, at 300 mph. |
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I need rosemary into potatoes and mustard seeds
into beef. and I refuse to be limited to 300mph. |
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I wouldn't doubt the straw into wood, based on my viewing of lightning-struck rotten oak twig driven into a seasoned 2x4. |
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// I refuse to be limited to 300mph // |
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300 mph is less than half of the speed of
sound in air at mean sea level. Even a
garden-variety 12-gauge shotgun achieves a
muzzle velocity of around 300 m/s, which is
just subsonic. |
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The Krupps 8.8cm FlaK 36 has a muzzle
velocity of around 860 m/s with standard
time-fused AA ammunition. |
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And why is the sea level always mean anyways? Is it nature, nurture, or a legitimate response to conditions? |
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// why is the sea level always mean // |
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Because it got out of its bed on the wrong
side, of course. |
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<makes note to buy better quality Christmas
crackers next year, even if they're more
expensive> |
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We always do. No BorgCo Christmas cracker
or party popper has ever failed to go off as
intended, as the survivors often point out to
the coroner. |
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The fact that not only are our crackers
painted olive drab, instead of shiny
Christmassy colours, but also require a pin to
be pulled before use, should be a sufficient
warning. |
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[+] I'll take a double-barrel shotgun, please. |
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"Black pepper sir?"..... "booom!!" "funny really, it's
white pepper when we load it...." |
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Regarding hurricane-assisted straw-tree integration, I've seen it suggested that what happens is - in the high wind, the tree bends, and splits along the grain to some extent. This means straw can get in, which is is then trapped when the wind drops and the tree straightens. |
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//Regarding hurricane-assisted straw-tree
integration// |
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There are not enough sentences that start like this. |
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My dad who was a radio man in Korea during the war told me that he was supposed to put a thermite grenade on his radio should they be overrun so the enemy couldn't capture it. |
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Can you use a little sodium in your seasoning to... |
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Ok, I'll post the idea. I like this one. |
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If enough 'bakers express sufficient interest I'll handload
some straw bullets, but all my trees are frozen and I'm
_not_ testing this one inside. |
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<expresses plenty of interest, hopes it is sufficient> |
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//Regarding hurricane-assisted straw-tree
integration,// |
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That sounds plausible. It's not completely
inconceivable that a straw could penetrate wood,
but it would have to hit the wood exactly square-
on and, even then, I doubt it. As I mentioned
earlier, you should be able to get the same result
by hitting a straw with a piece of wood. |
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I'm pretty sure I could poke a few hundred pieces
of straw into the crevices of a tree. |
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//If enough 'bakers express sufficient interest I'll
handload some straw bullets, but all my trees are
frozen and I'm _not_ testing this one inside.// |
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while you're at it, a shotgun cartridge full of cloves
perhaps? |
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//If enough 'bakers express sufficient interest I'll handload some straw bullets// |
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Count me amongst the interested too. |
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Do you think this will accelerate the straw without destroying it? Personally I'm imagining a little cloud of straw-dust puffing pathetically from the muzzle... but then, I know nothing about guns. |
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I predict the same result, [Wrongfellow], but the burden of
my commitment requires that I conduct the tests for
Science. This one may be...interesting. |
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I think I heard a call for a shotgun load, which would be my
first approach. Any other requests? |
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Another interesting test would be to fire a load of
wooden cocktail sticks at a hardwood surface. |
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Or metal at a metal surface? I think bullets just poke
into the crevices though. |
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I will not be using a hardwood target. I'm only willing to
shoot into pine or spruce at close range. |
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Metal on metal is right out. That's a long-range only trick. |
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Well then, try matchsticks into spruce. |
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So I've got straw, matchsticks, and whole cloves. Anything
else? |
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I'm guessing you could get a bonsai tree into an 88...just add some tinsel and the ideal long-range yuletide gift. |
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Just to make it clear, I'll shoot seasonings into meat but I'm
not
going to eat any of it. |
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bah! I've picked shot out of rabbit before.. |
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So have I, do so routinely. I've also bitten down on a whole
clove
and I don't care to repeat the experience. And I hate
pepper. |
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//And I hate pepper// I have genuinely never
encountered that before. |
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Just black pepper, the table seasoning. I'm a huge fan of all
forms and applications of the vegetable. |
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// the table seasoning // |
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There's your mistake, right there. Try it on food instead. Nothing you put on a table is going to ameliorate that tough texture and woody flavour. |
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This is also why table wines are not considered as
good as the alternatives, I've heard grapes are
superior. |
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I don't like wine, either. Except cherry wine. |
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This experiment is already presenting difficulties. |
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how about just an icepik, poke a hole through, then
poke your rosemary into said hole? |
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"Ahhhh, viande a la Trotsky, merveilleuse …" |
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With sincere respect, I believe you have entirely
misunderstood the Idea. This isn't about making cooking
easier, it's about introducing high-velocity projectiles to
the kitchen. |
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Just stumbled on this. I can just imagine having an enormous light gas gun setup in the kitchen, living room, (and probably out on the balcony as well), pointed at a puny little lamb roast, loaded with rosemary twigs. Awesome. |
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Light gas gun. What you need is a light gas gun. I honestly think you could brumby one up pretty easily, although the local authorites might take issue with its existence. |
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I haven't done any serious testing yet, but I was measuring
some peppercorns when I found a whole bunch of them
that were exactly .17", so I loaded them into my Tech
Force 99 air rifle and shot them at some thawed chicken
that's been in the freezer longer than it was actually alive.
They shot pretty well, terminal performance similar to BBs,
about 3/4" to 1" penetration at 40'. I don't own a
chronograph so I can't give you a certain figure on muzzle
velocity, but the TF99 spits out .17 cal lead pellets at 850-
900 f.p.s. so I'm estimating at least 500 with the
peppercorns. |
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Experiments are ongoing, though they may be briefly
suspended due to other people's holiday plans. With any
luck, that is. |
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What could be more quintessentially American than an ovoid ham being tossed spinning across a field, back and forth between the two most meatfacedly "athletic" members of your family? Yes, pink cheeks, breath fogging, exertion sweating up their safety goggles, heavy boots crunching the frostwhite lawn, ornery uncles and those of the nephews who are just about biddable each blasting away at the airborne joint, a skittering, arrhythmic fart of herbgunfire breaking the winter silence, all in the name of keeping alive this most traditional techniques of meat-seasoning. |
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I wonder if a herb gun would be powerful and accurate enough to kill an animal. For example, wild rabbits are usually killed with a shotgun, but could they instead be killed by a blast of high-velocity thyme and lemon zest (traditional seasonings for rabbit)? Actually, including a small amount of finely chopped bacon in the projectile cloud would add to the flavour too. |
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A bouquet garni grenade maybe? The explosion would hopefully tenderise the meat, too. |
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I was quite hoping someone would add some bacon. |
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Well, you need it because wild rabbit is a very lean meat and needs some baconny goodness to add succulence. |
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Well, there is a movement afoot to eliminate lead as a hunting load due to problems with consumption by humans and other animals, as well as lead poisoning in animals only slightly grazed by shot loads. |
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I imagine a thyme and salt graze wound would be painful, but I see a promising market for custom spice loaded ammunition - it can't be any less popular than the copper they are switching to. |
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Does a lead pellet actually really truly cause lead
poisoning if embedded in flesh? Most domestic
water pipes were made of lead for a long time.
When people got worried about lead, they tested to
see how much leached from lead pipes and
concluded that it wasn't really a problem - at least
not enough to justify replacing existing lead pipes.
Not sure how lead reacts in the body though - more
salts and stuff. |
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I think the problems were from children eating paint... which arguably highlights a pre-existing condition. |
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Yes, that makes sense, since paint would contain
lead salts which are readily soluble. Which still
leaves me wondering if lead pellets in flesh would
cause "lead poisoning". |
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I may have to plead no contest to one charge of getting carried away while posting. A read of wikipedia says that lead can be absorbed through the skin, but does not directly address having some stuck inside you. |
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"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells
like... breakfast." |
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I (vaguely) remember a GCSE question about how
eating lead fishing weights kills geese. Apparently,
a common answer was "It makes them sink." |
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It does happen <link> but seems pretty rare,
considering the amount of people who came back
from the two world wars with fairly big chunks of
lead in them, I think it's probably hypersensitivity
really. |
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I love the 'bakery, where it's educational to be mistaken. |
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" Perhaps the best consequence of this device will be to bring phrases like "shrapnel", "recoil", "un-commanded discharge", and "tactical thyme" into the common kitchen vernacular " |
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I have see powdered chiles inadvertantly used for area denial - eye protection and dust/mist masks may be advised. |
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Lead shot kills waterfoul who dabble along the bottom of
heavily hunted swamps and ponds. A pellet or two sucked
into the gizzard will stay there and cause all kinds of
problems. It seems improbable but it's acually a serious
problem. Maine was among the first states to ban lead
shot. |
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Also, there are (or were) available on the open market
shotgun shells that fire pellets of highly compressed herbs
and seasonings instead of metal. |
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I hope that clears some things up. |
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// there are (or were) available on the open market
shotgun shells that fire pellets of highly compressed
herbs and seasonings instead of metal.// I trust
that a link will be forthcoming? |
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//I trust that a link will be forthcoming?// |
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Ask and ye shall be peppered. <link> |
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//powdered chiles used for area denial// |
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I bought some diatomaceous earth to give a shot at non-chemical flea control on the cats. It's non-poisonous so why not. What's not mentioned on the box is that DE is a medium-quality itching powder which _very_ easily becomes airborne where it lingers as an eye irritant for hours afterwards. |
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It's also an excellent ingredient for homemade polishing
compound. |
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So, if lead shot is dangerous to wildlife, we could start
hunting with the tougher herbs and spices? "You should have
seen it, man. He took that goose down with a single load of
rosemary." |
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That's what I'm going to find out, when I have a free
minute. |
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From the link: "Season Shot is made of tightly
packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable
food product." |
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Well, somehow that just falls short of whetting my
appetite. |
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Someone has come up with a similar way of sourcing the herbs and spices too. [Link] |
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You mean I did all that handloading for nothing?! |
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"You mean I did all that hand loading for nothing?!" |
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