Hamster based power generation conversion tables

Whenever you're looking at a potential energy source you need to consider the amount of power your getting to see if it's worth your while. For instance, you could hook a generator up to your hamster's running wheel, but would it be worth it? This should be the basic unit of measurement for any bad power idea. Tables based on hamster power could be used to cross reference other bad power generation ideas.

Let's look at how much hamster you'd need to power a house. Since there are so many clever engineer types on the h.b., I know I post these numbers at my own peril but here's what my tables look like for starters. My base is 1 hp = 746 watts = 550 lbs falling 1 ft for 1 second, so to power an average house, you'd need a 550 pound hamster running about 3 miles an hour in an 8 ft wheel. That's a big-ass hamster.

Now here's where somebody might point out that my numbers are wildly off, but that's not the point. You could get by with a smaller hamster, say 225 pounds, but he'd need to run twice as fast, say 6 mph. By the time you get to a hamster of any reasonable size, say 25 pounds, he'd have to be running about 60 miles per hour. Even that's one badass hamster. So knowing this, whenever your kid, your 60s hippy in laws or some politician comes up with a radical new energy source, like strapping a harness onto the goldfish in order to power the refrigerator, you can whip out your hamster power calculation tables to learn 'em the folly of their ways.

"Well, Bobby, I know Grandpa's farts really pack a punch, but if we were to harness that energy as you've suggested, by strapping a methane burning turbo-generator to his walker, we'd only have a power source equal to a 5 pound hamster running ten miles per hour in his generator wheel, not nearly enough to electrocute your sister."