h a l f b a k e r yFree set of rusty screwdrivers if you order now.
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A work in progress.
Scrape the bakery for all mention of the Buchanan family estate,
Sturton, the intercalary & sundry other related characters &
items, order
chronologically & condense into a screenplay.
[8th] of course will have to be given a writing credit.
All suggestions for titles
gratefully accepted.
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Annotation:
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We insist that names, dates and inside leg measurements are changed, to protect the guilty. |
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^ That's an excellent title suggestion, it's definitely going in
the hat. |
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You might want to contact Rentisham's, with a view to a product placement deal. |
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I'm imagining the result would be fairly surreal, do you think
we could get Terry Gilliam to direct? |
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Stanley Kubrick on bad acid, assisted by Salvador Dali and David Lynch, might make a good team for the job ... |
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// the Buchanan family estate, Sturton & assorted other
related characters & items,// Don't forget the intercalary -
he's a bit touchy about being left out. And if you need a
costume manager, Great Aunt Sebastian's your man. |
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Aha! he's the
assorted others, I just couldn't remember the correct
spelling (I'll just edit him in). |
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Maybe Great Aunt Sebastian can coordinate with
Rentisham's? |
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I was thinking we might try a suitably adorned clothing line
as part of a combined product placement & advertising
campaign. |
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Crocheted dioramas of select scenes from the finished
picture (the hunting of Sturton springs to mind there, you
know, that little mishap he had in the cloning lab last
year)
with logo patches perhaps. |
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We commissioned some fairly extensive market branding &
customer feedback surveys to product test your proposed
title [8th], & the overwhelming consensus is
the whole thing might be a bit long. |
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So we commissioned a
few more using a selection of abridged versions & a clear
winner has come to the fore. |
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How does "inside leg measurements" grab you? |
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In quite the wrong place, resulting in an accusation of inappropriate touching and subsequent criminal prosecution. |
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So you mean perfect then? your response encapsulates the
expected flavor of the film superbly. |
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Well, large slices of it
anyway, Sturton is expected to have a prominent part
in the finished article after all. |
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We have far too much information about Sturton's prominent part already, thankyou. |
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It's not big, and it's not clever. |
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Actually you're only half right, [8th]. Sturton was once voted
"Boy most likely to overbalance". Admittedly, that was a good
many years go, and his centre of mass has shifted somewhat
since then. |
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//and his centre of mass has shifted somewhat since
then.// |
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Following war wounds or hunting accidents*, there are
many tales of shrapnel or bullets moving unpredictably
inside the body. It's still surprising that even 32lb of the
Royal Navy's finest Carronade ball should be so mobile. |
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* hunting has always been dangerous, but big game
hunting with Semaphore-targeted Naval bombardment has
to be up there, especially with Sturton's penchant for a
colorful handkerchief. |
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The worst of it is that, when they did eventually scrape the
okapi off the rockface, it turned out to be almost inedible.
Cordite leaves a bit of a tang. |
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This would be much like the Red Green Show with
British accents, no? |
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Royalties: would you invite any? |
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//It's not big, and it's not clever.// |
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Milligan: "his part and its downfall". |
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Any glaring holes in the plot would be filled with passages from
the Epic of Gilgamesh, s/Enkidu/Sturton/g |
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The epic would thereby play the same role as the frog DNA in
Jurassic Park. |
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//Royalties: would you invite any?// |
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At a stretch it might be appropriate for Charles to reprise
his role as the BFG, but other than that I'm not sure where
they'd fit in? |
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We were looking at a combination of "Carry On
Screaming!" & "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" for
that,
but the epic of Gilgamesh would avoid the need to aquire
any
permissions from current copyright holders of course. |
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