h a l f b a k e r yCall Ambulance,
Rebuild Kitchen.
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This is a mounted or hand-held spring-loaded device that shoots gummies. It’s a fun toy when used among friends with the party ammo, but I want it for my car so I can mark scofflaws from a distance, on the road, and without being detected. The dweeb cuts you off. You don’t fuss or rage because you know
in a few seconds you will launch a proprietary 3/4 oz. gummy tailored specifically for the infraction, color coded, fragrance enhanced, goo component calibrated.
Cut off: White bird poo, very runny.
Tailgating: Red goo with chunks featuring very bad smell.
Block traffic: Black bubbling goo featuring worse bad smell.
Run Red Light: Yellow goo with muriatic acid.
Steal Parking Spot: Tailpipe gummy. Activates at next stop. Simulates blown engine.
Set the power to deliver a delicious treat to a loved one or crank it up to reach that bastard on the cross street. We also make repeaters and all our Gummy Launchers are compatible at .675caliber ammo (12gauge with sabot). Load your permanently-mounted vehicular GL3 before a trip and mark offenders so others will steer clear! The most popular model is the portable GL1 that fits into an attaché case and is popular at raves and Burning Man. The GL2 is a hat- or lapel-mounted stealth micro-launcher meant for use at faculty events which uses a 5mm gummy and is formulated to adhere permanently to tweed. Some of our gummies have strong adhesive, olfactory, or caustic properties, and some have healthy doses of THC9 to keep it interesting. We are taking suggestions for custom formulations for applications we haven’t thought of!
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[a1] That thing on FB is a puny child's toy compared to the GL1. The GL1 and GL3 send proprietary gummies almost 3/4 of an inch in diameter that have special features, liquid centers, caustic solutions, etc. A special launcher is required to handle the stresses of plonking these projectiles. THIS IS NOT A TOY! |
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[a1] The .675 caliber allows room for a sabot in a 12 gauge barrel. You wouldn't shoot it from a shotgun but 12g shell cases/sabots would be adapted for use in a spring- or air-powered launcher, not allowing the gummy itself to touch the non-stick interior of the barrel. The sabot is discarded after the gummy leaves the barrel. It could be edible or food for squirrels. |
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The problem with advocating weapons is that war ensues and everyone is affected. C Link |
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[pashute] Proposing a short hiatus until the exegesis. That's the purpose of war, and I'd rather be hit by a flying spearmint gummy than a rifle bullet. Imagine being killed by a pineapple gummy. It's a man-bites-dog story worth retelling! |
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I misread the title as Gunny Launcher, and I still can't shake the mental image of R. Lee Emery flying through the air with a crazed look in his eye. |
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If they had a laxative added, they could be runny gunny gummies. Make them yellow, like the ball of fuckin sunshine Ermey was, and they'd be sunny runny gunny gummies. Now that's funny. |
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[21] We already make a scummy cummy gummy for artificial insemination purposes. Getting more popular. |
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