Global Corset Initiative

The natural spin of the earth flattens a potentially near-perfect sphere into an unsightly oblate spheroid. Aside from the grotesque appearance this presents, the twisting of gravitational forces induces friction within the planet itself generating heat and causing seismic disturbances. A wider Earth also makes a longer day, as the rotational speed must lessen in order to maintain angular momentum.

Certain obvious solutions (such as simply stopping the Earth’s rotation) have consequences equally as bad as equatorial bulge and therefore do not merit consideration, as replacing one problem with another is no real solution.

To enhance the Earth’s appearance in the Solar System, eliminate the dangerous forces generated by gravitational friction within a solid body and shorten the day – which would among other things move happy hour forward – I propose the Global Corset Initiative.

The GCI would consist of an equatorial corset (or girdle if you prefer) tightly cinched around the Earth’s expanded waistline. Much research and development is necessary before such a project can be started, in areas ranging from materials science to planetary engineering. Carbon nanotube technology holds some promise as a material for a Global Corset, but a serious problem arises when one considers how to “lace up” such a girdle.

Typically, the wearer of a girdle exhales deeply and sucks in their stomach as the girdle is being laced up. In order to avoid the tremendous forces required to “lace up” a girdle around the Earth, it would be necessary to temporarily stop the Earth’s rotation, returning the oblate spheroid to its ideal spherical shape. Once the girdle was firmly in place, the Earth could be restored to its normal rotational speed, which would be somewhat faster due to conservation of angular momentum.