h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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Start by selling your house and most of its contents. Then go on
holiday. When you come back, drive in reverse to a hotel late in the
afternoon and dance for a bit to backwards music. Give the guests
various pieces of your kitchen equipment and so forth. Then, drive,
again in reverse to the
church, pay the vicar, go up to the altar and
unsay your wedding vows backwards in front of family and friends,
back out, go your separate ways.
This is to count as a legal divorce and there are civil and other
religious versions of the ceremony. One advantage is you end up
richer, having been paid by the caterers, the musicians, DJ, hotel and
so on, and it all goes back to normal. This is by contrast to the
normal
expensive version, but it does unfortunately involve a bit of a mass
vomiting session with one's nearest and dearest. Then again, you
can't win 'em
all, can you?
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//you end up richer, having been paid by the
caterers, the musicians// Only if you can find a way
to regurgitate vol-au-vents and project sound from
your ears. |
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I like the part where the bride catches the bouquet while facing the other way. |
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Might be tricky erasing your signatures from the marriage license. |
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Parting Gift
<Looks down at slop on hand, wipes it on pants> |
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"The first blowjob I gave you." |
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Not a bad idea, [bigsleep]. I think we got three at
our wedding. |
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[MB], i will work on that. |
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Would that everything in life worked like this. |
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Yeah. Your entire life would end with a prolonged
bout of breastfeeding, a long swim and an orgasm. |
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[-], I am not giving that fondue set back to Auntie Babs. |
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//Yeah. Your entire life would end with a prolonged bout of breastfeeding, a long swim and an orgasm.// |
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Is this how we all end up "becoming one?" |
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Although I bunned this (I DO like it)- I think we need to walk backwards from the altar to the church doors and change into jeans and sweatshirts to unsay the vows! [+] |
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I can get on board with that, [xandram], and also getting into a
flatshare with friends afterwards - presumably fellow divorcees. |
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Wasn't thiis sort-of baked in a sketch by Mel Smith and Griff
Rhys-jones ? |
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If you have kids, this is going to be unpleasant... |
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Time to go home, little butt-monkey. |
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It's called retrospective travelling in fourth dimension! [+] |
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Time flies like an arrow. |
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Arrows fly in one direction. |
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It could travel backwards, if the backwards wind is (in
absolute value) faster than the arrow... |
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Only if you are outside the arrow's frame of
reference. |
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//Time flies like an arrow.//. Fruit flies like a plum.
I saw a similar backwards time thing on Red Dwarf. Pretty
funny. |
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There's no way The Good Fairy Jenny and I are going to
backwards-jump barefoot over crossed broom and sword.
Even Heathens have safety standards. |
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Mentioning the arrow makes me think of how the paradox of the
arrow might apply to relativity. |
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Flibbetyblooblobleep, [AusCan]. |
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Excellent idea [+] which reminds me of what happens when you play a Country and Western record backwards (old joke) You get your wife back, your dog comes home, the drink goes back into the bottle etc etc. |
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