Full-Spectrum Vibrating Pants for Better Health

Ordinary pants with a variety of vibration sources attached.

The lowest-frequency vibrations come from ~1lb weights mounted on bearings inside plastic tubes oriented in different directions along the pants. These weights are moved by electromagnets and/or leg motion, and have health benefits: 1) Walking with a bunch of extra vibrating weight is harder, building strength and balance. 2) Vibrations stimulate bone growth (see link).

Infrasound is provided by a rapidly-revolving unbalanced weight, or a large speaker. This is switched on to improve meditation or music-listening experiences by effecting an emotional response (see link).

Mid-range sound is provided by conventional speakers, and is sourced from a belt-mounted electronic gizmo du jour. This sound can provide mood music, language translation services, or serve as a megaphone.

High-frequency sound is provided by small speakers. It can be used as a defense against teenagers or dogs. Additionally, a blunt-edged, rigid blade, containing off-balance weights to provide medium-amplitude high-frequency vibration, can be folded out from one cuff to extend below the foot, and used to cut through bricks, stale food, and other brittle materials with the aid of high-frequency vibration, while remaining harmless to soft materials such as skin.

Power would be provided by batteries stored inside the large weights. Electric motors (linear or conventional rotational type) would drive vibrations as needed. High-pressure fans would drive ventilating air beneath all the heavy hardware hanging from the pants, to keep the wearer nice and cool.

These pants would be expensive and dorky looking, but (arguably) practical, and could help the wearer meet similarly-minded people.