h a l f b a k e r yYou gonna finish that?
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Ever been in a conversation that you wish you could exit fairly quickly? Maybe you've said something you shouldn't have, or that the subject matter has ventured down a conversational cul-de-sac... whatever the reason, Ejector Pants would come in handy. Simply step into the trousers fitted with super
high-tension springs to protect yourself from social-life sudden death.
Remember these?
http://www.halfbake...pression=hoverpants
Memories....... :) [DesertFox, May 26 2005]
...and this?
Social_20Pumpkin_20Bomb
the title reminded me of this idea [finrod, May 26 2005]
I think you have the wrong trousers...
http://www.wallacea...filmsTWTgallery.asp
<slow link> [ConsulFlaminicus, May 26 2005]
[link]
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& protect from real death, how? |
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Why in this situation would it help to be ejected from your pants? |
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Although I don't believe any thinking person would doubt the usefulness of being able to eject themselves 30 or 40 feet into the air from a spring hidden in their pants, the mechanism needed to achieve a straight trajectory for effective "emergency ballistic social disengagement" might prove bulky. |
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A more common sense approach might be a simple emergency pants ejector, where the pants themselves fly off, to misdirect people’s attention from your fuckup, sort of like a lizard's breakaway tail during a crisis. Picture the Benny Hill show, where some shapely girl's clothes are somehow ripped away by a passing bus or trolley leaving her standing there in her sexy lingerie. |
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This would be a must at those awkward moments at business meetings when you've committed a major faux pas, such as pulling out your Amway sales kit in the boardroom and trying to sell the VP a can of spray on hair. Especially if you accidentally grab the can of industrial strength, lye based chrome polish giving him 2nd degree chemical burns on the back of his head. Push the button, your pants shoot off, and nobody's thinking: "What the fuck's this guy's problem?" any more, as their attention is now directed to the fact you're standing there without any pants. Forgot your underwear that day? All that much more effective. |
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So you can eject your self 30 or 40 feet in to the air to escape some social mistake. Is this just for outdoor social gatherings? |
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Maybe you could still use the pants indoors, but you wouldn't so much escape from the boring/awkward conversation so much as change the subject to "My head hurts". |
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I feel it would be inappropriate to comment on the practicality of this idea. It's just not that sort of an invention. See y'all later. |
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Of course, “when you say, excuse me while I put on these pants,” that’s going to start up the conversation again. They’ll want to know why, and then you’ll have to wait for that subject to lag before you say, “watch this!” |
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//Why in this situation would it help to be ejected from your pants?//
It makes a better change of subject than pointing behind your co-conversationalist and saying, "Look! A well-placed distraction!" |
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(I've actually done that - and it works) |
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Due to the obvious impracticality of physically ejecting one's elf into ceilings, ventilation fans, or whatever other hazards may lurk overhead in any given environment, I would feel obligated to give this idea a well-deserved, non-ejecting fishbone, but there is a kernel of brilliance contained herein. What gives The Magician opportunity to amaze and confound his audience? Misdirection! If we modify our ejector pants to merely give the appearance of flinging us headlong into either low orbit or certain injury/death, our audience would be distracted, allowing us to sheepishly make our escape completely undetected.
Canuck: "Um, why no, sir, I hadn't considered the merits of hiring your son as my assistant. Just allow me a moment to change pants and ponder the suggestion."
Rustle, rustle, click! BWAP!
Boss: "Oh my God! My formerly valued employee has been ejected from his pants and been crushed by the swirling blades of that decorative ceiling fan! I guess there's nothing left to do but give my son his job!"
Canuck whispers (from his hiding place in the conveniently-located broom closet): "Damn you, Ejector Pants!"
Chew on this pastry while you ponder the design changes. |
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Replacing social skills with inappropriate technology? Put this fishbone in your pants and hit the eject button. |
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Everyone seems to be suggesting that there's a better solution to escaping faux pas. They're all mistaken. [+] |
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'Ejector Pants' is exactly the sort of thing that keeps me coming back to HB. |
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i dont even try to distract them, i just run away.but if i dont feel like running i just stand there screaming till they run away. |
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Lotsa good laughs, sometimes I wish I could just give you guys a great big hug... |
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SEE YA! **BRRROOooiiinNG** <CRASH> "Holy shit!" (Flop!) AAHHgghhh! |
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