h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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This is something like the "Food Sleuth", but I think it reasonably differs.
My mother-in-law, (yes I have fam.), is always asking what others are going to order to eat from a menu before she will order. Then, she eats similar food and complains that she liked it but it didn’t like her, and offers
TMI about what internal issues she’s having, causing us to lose a little of our desire for the meal. She ask, “What did you let me eat that for?”
Well, we’ve never stopped her from eating anything, yet, but I think she needs a pocket sized device that can be programmed to test a sample of food, through chemical analysis or whatever, and roughly gauge how well-matched she and the food are. It would tell her if the food likes, or dislikes, her and to what degree. Then, we’ll make her use it, and put our foot down when the meter says “don’t go there”.
If we don't let her eat something, she probably would still find a way to keep us from enjoying our servings, but it would be worth a try, just once.
Rapid Goober Detector
Rapid_20Goober_20Detector
More circumscribed but the same thing, I think/. [kangaroobabe, Aug 19 2007]
[link]
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Sounds like your MIL's indigestion problems may possibly be psychosomatic, in which case your device fails to perform. |
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have you ever considered getting rid of the mother in law? you know there are people on the internet who would painlessly oblige... |
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From time to time we have considered adding a few bonus additives to her desert, but having extra wine at the table is so far the farthest we've gone, she'll make sure none of that goes to waste, and it helps calm her down significantly, without her seeming to be aware. |
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We actually love her, but more at a distance from the table. |
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love is a mystery... I know what you mean. |
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Well, as long as it's not a murder mystery. |
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You could beam her up Scotty. That ought
to keep both her and Scotty quiet. |
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Oh, she gets beamed up alright, from the wine. Trouble is she starts thinking her car is a space ship and we do have to ground her. By then she doesn’t offer too much resistance though, just walking straight is enough of a challenge for her. |
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What would we do without her? |
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You won't know until you try. |
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I think the problem is that she enjoys participating in the culinary experience in different ways than you. It still sounds like it could be fun. |
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I think, [Ufo], that you should propose to order items outside your normal range, but first ask her advice. Be sure to match her drink for drink, adjusted for weight differences. Then join her in postgame observations about internal issues. Recall her recommendations (and blame or credit her accordingly) or her warnings (and loudly blame yourself for not listening to her wisdom, recalling other times when her warnings have been right on). Propose additional items which might be eaten or drank to remedy problems caused by earlier ingestions. Remember: the Italians invented bitters for exactly this situation. |
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[Anathema] If you could pay the aliens to abduct your mother-in-law, don't you think there would be no more controversy surrounding the whole abduction phenomenon? Don't you think the skeptics would have been completely silenced by now? |
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//Don't you think the skeptics would have been completely silenced by now?// |
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The skeptics are in on the conspiracy. They don't want their mothers-in-law to know the truth. |
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//asking what others are going to order to eat from a menu before she will order. Then, she eats similar food// |
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So just order matza and water (then secretly tell the waiter on your way to the bathroom what you'd really like), (then act visibly annoyed as the waiter brings spicy tomato sauce over pepper linguini and sets it in front of you) (but eat it anyway) |
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Your Food Hates You. should be the permanent readout. then maybe she won't go out to eat with you anymore. |
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all i can think about is an already fussy old lady becoming even fussier with a little electronic gadget in her hand poking at her food (or yours, worse) and saying, "no, no, i can't eat that. it'll make me bloated and farty.." |
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Not a lot of enthusiasm for the bitters
idea. I on the other hand have developed
a craving for campari. |
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// roughly gauge how well-matched she and the food are // |
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Any decent chemical analysis is going to show that I am pretty well matched to a large number of unhealthily fatty high-cholesterol foods. Which I cannot eat without severe consequences. |
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Thanks for all the suggestions. With all these thoughts in my head, I don’t know how I’ll explain my sudden fits of laughter, table pounding, or spitting beverages at odd times at our next meal, but thanks! |
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Oh, and I just Googled bitters, and I’m feeling a little sick now myself…just kidding, looks like I’ve got some reading to do. 1,390,000 hits. I’ll check it out. |
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