Flying Goldfish Mail Transfer Protocol

A goldfish crossed with a flying fish would be small, attractive, domesticated and best of all, flying: a golden arrow flashing through the air. They could hop merrily from one bowl to another (of course flying fish do not really fly, they merely glide for a while) over distances of a couple of metres. Far enough to reach a bowl on the desk across from you, or maybe even Louise's desk across the aisle. Messages could be rolled up and placed into small, waterproof, clear plastic cannisters attached to the dorsal fin ready for transmission. The recipient's name is written on the outside of the roll for easy identification. Fish could hop happily from one bowl to another until they arrive at the correct desk.

Now, I can see your mouse hovering over the 'against' button, bones at the ready, because you think this impractical. Not so fast, Doubting Thomas. How long will it take to deliver a message? Well let's assume one jump every minute. At 100 desks, given many repeat jumps and errors, maybe 500 minutes on average. Not efficient enough for the modern office. But if you place a dose of amphetamines in the fish water, you could speed this up to one jump a second - that's an 8.3 minute average delivery speed. Faster than my internal mail. The water would of course have to be cleaned in the evening so that the tired workers could sleep.

How about the accuracy? It is after all unreasonable to expect a mere fish to hit one of a few fishbowls within the surrounding few metres. But a small team of dwarfs armed with spatulas or barbeque flippers could easily scoop up the ones that miss, and "flip!" into the nearest bowl they go.

Beautiful and easily achievable - a truly desirable messaging system.