h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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I want my lawn furniture to last longer than the Roman
Empire did, which means solid concrete construction, or
possibly
carved granite. Such a lawn chair would weigh well over 800
pounds
and would resemble a cube with a smaller cube missing. It
would
last practically forever.
This raises
the question of how to move or reposition the
furniture. The chair would have a fitting to connect a garden
hose, which would flow water into a cavity on the underside
of the chair. The bottom of the chair and top of the patio
would both be ground and polished stone, which with water
would form a fluidic bearing for effortless repositioning of the
furniture.
Suitable lawn reinforcement
https://www.tobermo...k-paving/turfstone/
[pocmloc, Apr 17 2021]
[link]
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This is a much more practical idea than my thoughts about
how to retroactively shorten the duration of the Roman
Empire. |
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The duration of the Roman Empire was zero years. This is
because, during those centuries when it resembled de facto our
modern conception of an empire it was de jure a republic, and by
the time it had reformed its laws to recognise it's political
reality*, it had become Byzantine. |
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Ergo and ipso facto, the warranty on your lawn chair is void. |
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*Don't mention the Tetrarchy. |
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Regarding the idea, would the hose be fed from an aqueduct? |
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As much as I would like to build a house to last 1000
years (concrete and/or granite blocks), I'd like to start
with the lawn furniture first. Then maybe a BBQ grill
made from a high temperature glass. Then the
aqueduct house. |
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It doesn't sound very comfortable [-] or practical [+] |
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I sometimes make solid stone birdhouses that might last longer than our civilization.
True story.
Just thought I'd share. |
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There is a fundamental problem with this idea. |
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The described mechanism works just fine, with the stone or concrete chair gliding smoothly along the polished stone or concrete patio on its water bearing. |
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However the chair is explicitly designated to be a //lawn// chair on three separate occasions. |
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I have a feeling that once the chair has been slid off the patio where it does not belong (perhaps it is temporarily stored on the patio?) onto the lawn, the proposed sliding action will be somewhat less efficatious. |
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Fie, just needs more water pressure. |
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That would tend to turn your lawn into the Everglades, where
you're trying to manoeuvre a fan boat made of granite. |
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You say that like it's a bad thing. |
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I like this, but it would disappear on any lawn as
the pressurised water excavates the ground
beneath it. This makes me like it even more. + |
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+ because I am a worshipper of lawnchairs, I was
thinking if Some water was placed inside the chair
it would be like a little pool to sunbathe in. Need a
floaty cushion because I think it hurts to lay on
cement. |
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Isn't that just a hot tub, except without the bubbles? |
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^ not like a hot tub because the water would not
be that deep. Just a cooling chair, I think cement
stays pretty cool. |
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A // solid stone birdhouse // is a fitting memorial to our
civilization. May the birds live happily. |
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Good point that this furniture would sink into a // lawn
//. Perhaps it would be better called patio furniture, and
for the lawn each chair could (instead of the fluidic
bearing) have a large section extending deep into the
Earth in the manner of a Stonehenge boulder or an
island Moai statue. |
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Repositioning the furniture could perhaps also take a
lesson
from "anvil launching" and use an explosive charge to
loft the chair briefly into the air. |
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Thinking of the cement walks that surround our local
swimming pool, and how hot they get in the middle of
summer, and how that feels on your bikini-wearing ass, this is
a lawsuit just waiting to happen. But otherwise a pretty great
idea. |
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