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Working from the assumption that the opposite of war is not peace but ducklings, I propose an aerial deployment mechanism to drop as many ducklings as can be mustered onto battlezones. The meeting of opposites should result in an immediate cessation of hostilities and the saving of many lives.
The
deployment mechanism would be a cross between a traditional cluster bomb and 8th's Cat Ejection Pack. Each vessel on the cluster would house a single duckling and would be filled with all the comforts and amenities a valiant ducklings could wish for. Once dropped from the 'plane, the bombs would hurtle down to earth until the parachutes deploy. Vertical positioning sensors will detect when the clusters can open and drop their payload of cute little quackers.
Obviously, this idea screams "adapt or die" to the military industrial complex, so I respectfully suggest that these corporations invest in attempting to secure the inevitable Duckling Rehousing Contracts.
Ducklings
http://users.mrl.ui...birds/ducklings.jpg
Is anyone other than phundug having problems accessing this image? [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Cat Ejection Pack
http://www.halfbake...t_20Ejection_20Pack
By [8th of 7]. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Samurai Kittens
http://www.moogman....tens%20resize_3.jpg
Hard as nails - trust me. [gnomethang, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Fuzzy Yellow Ducklings
http://www.mothersd...ellow-ducklings.jpg
[phoenix, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
The Mother of all Wars
http://argnet.fatal...ittens-vs-ducks.jpg
Now look what you have started [mfy] [gnomethang, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Nobody hates ducklings
http://www.google.c...&btnG=Google+Search
Similar googles for kittens and puppies yield 183 and 73 hits, respectively. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
It's not necessarily implied...
http://www.google.c...+loves+ducklings%22
[k_sra, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Well, not everyone...
http://www.google.c...&btnG=Google+Search
But at least 14 people. [Worldgineer, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Uh-oh.
http://www.googlefi...compare=1&langue=us
[egbert, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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Starting at your basic premise and working forward, I cannot fault your logic.
May I ask whether you have considered your opponent's previous deployment of their crack Kitten Squad in the theatre of war where you have dropped the little duckies.
What do you think the result would be (Apart from some really cute pictures that you could send to Athena - the Card People)?
See my second Link |
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<Hagrid>Don't you go 'urting my Fluffy, now...</Hagrid> |
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Lambs and chicks would be good too. Aww... |
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I wonder - if this is a matter/antimatter type reaction would the ducklings be annihilated? If so, would they disappear completely or just be broiled. If the latter, I propose that the duckling deployment devices also contain orange sauce. |
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The enemy are about to use their ultimate weapon on us... |
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Everybody run... we're all ducked! |
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Of course, there was some logical thought behind the conclusion that ducklings are the opposite of war. This logical thought process - which, sadly, has been long forgotten in a haze of Budvar - did, I'm fairly sure, involve rejection of the possible war-neutralising possibiltities of kittens and puppies on the basis that some people dislike kittens and puppies but everybody loves cute little ducklings. >link< |
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And of course, the old tricks of the military industrial complex die hard. Consequently, I expect that, initially at least, there will be a war-neutralising-arms race whereby top Nazi scientists attempt to construct a weapon of even greater fluffiness than the duckling bomb. It should be pointed out, though, that this race will be short as the there is only one thing on earth fluffier than a duckling and that is a penguin chick. |
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Better watch out for the puffling. It could turn places like the Faroe Islands and Canada into superpowers. |
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//There is only one thing on earth fluffier than a duckling and that is a penguin chick.// |
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The Cold War has begun. Gentlemen, start your hatcheries! |
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This now gets my vote having seen [mfy]'s excellent proof. + |
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I don't think that ducklings are the ideal component of this device. It should be baby chooks. I say this, not to refute the above proofs of effectiveness of ducklings, but chickens make much more economical sense. |
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They're going cheep at the moment. |
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That's clucking ridiculous, baby chicks go cheep! Only later in life do they develop the cluck. |
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Being hungry in a battle situation these ducklings would be a culanary delight and the battle would go on for a greater amount of time. They are quite cute but probably delicious to a hungry combatant. I am sorry I do not believe you're concept would have out come you would prefer. Perhaps if they were filled with a dose of happy drug on the outside of their down which was released on touching (not affecting the duckling)that seeped into the skin, thus designed to cross the blood brain barrier then affecting specific brain areas physiologically causing a pleasant euphoria and feeling of brotherhood, it is possible then perhaps to have the out come you would prefer. They would or may eventually come down from noncombativness. |
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