h a l f b a k e r yA riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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The servers are in worn combat fatigues and gas masks. The
walls have chipped, bomb-blasted holes in the plaster exposing
crumbling, soot-blackened red brick inside. The roof and walls
have wide, gaping holes in them, clear through to the outside,
covered by patio umbrellas and
"distressed"
tarps. The floor is uneven and cracked, the booths
are partially sunken in bomb craters. Their specialty dish is
seafood poutine, but they pronounce it "Putin".
You've got to be kidding me!
https://thenudge.co...-do/nuclear-winter/
Nobody likes a "Nya nya nya, it's been baked!" poster so it pains me to post this. [doctorremulac3, Mar 21 2022]
[link]
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[+], but I'd like it better if it were a retro, 50s nuclear scare
theme. Kind of remind us that we've gotten through this
before eh? |
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This one's good too though. |
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Although I think it would have to be called "American Russian
/ Fusion Restaurant". |
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Patrons sat on the floor under oversized school desks? |
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Maybe the bar has a "duck and cover" theme with desks
over
each seat? |
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I know you're sort of kidding with this, but a nuclear war
themed bar? I'd have to go check it out. Sort of makes a
statement doesn't it? If I knew the missiles were flying I
might want a shot or two to take the edge off. |
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"Well barkeep, that's the end of the world, shot of your
third most expensive wisky please. Oh what the hell,
second most expensive wisky!" |
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Complete with real, live rats scurrying around. Whenever
health inspectors come near, air ride sirens announce their
arrival and the (trained) rats scurry out of sight. |
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Dude, I'd totally check it out. And everything, of course, is
"nuked" in a microwave. |
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This would at the very least, attract world wide attention.
Your bar would be the number one news story of the day.
Unless WW3 started, then it would be #2. |
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There would not be a single nuclear apocalypse pun left unspoken. |
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Ugh, you've got to be kidding me. (link) |
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So what, yours is better! Bun proudly left intact! |
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God DAMN it, they even beat me to the fission chips pun!
You're right though, it's not the same thing. |
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I say go the fusion route. Do we even use A bombs any more? |
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Nahhh fusion restaurants are all over the place. |
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But not "nuclear fusion" restaurants. |
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Oh well, probably need to move on. Bummer, that was a
bunner. |
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Eh, on second thought, I'd leave it up. Yours is slightly
different. Good enough for me. |
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Behind every door (bathrooms, fridge, ovens, cupboards)
there's a blue/green glow. Gets slowly brighter over time
while "in use" (bathroom occupied, oven cooking, fridge or
cupboard open...). Food is moved/served with 3m long grabs,
suspended from the ceiling (chains & monorails).
For extra fun, randomly (maybe once a month or so?) have an
oven go "critical" & evacuate everyone to the patio dining
area for a specialty dish. |
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Here's one. You know how in some grocery stores in the produce section they play a recording of thunder before the sprayers come on to keep the veggies from drying out? Every once in a while you hear a roar, the TVs in the place show a mushroom cloud and the lighting would get real bright and then blacklights would illuminate the place to make it look like everybody's glowing with radiation for a few seconds while fallout is sprinkled over everybody. (it's actually confetti) |
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Be a little like the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe if anybody's familiar with that. |
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Of course, it's just at the *other* end of the universe. |
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You know, the black humor of this would really appeal to
people. Got a laughing (and drinking) in the face of death vibe
to it. |
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Might even send a message to the madmen with nukes out
there. "Hey! These guys are crazy! They don't even fear death!
I'm taking my toys and going home!". |
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Imagine if whole cities did this in wartime. Sort of
"predistress" the city, give it the appearance that it's
already been completely trashed before the enemy even
gets there. When they finally arrive, they're greeted by a
local gesturing around broadly to some demolished
buildings (little do the invaders know, they had already
been scheduled for demolition) saying "whatcha gonna do,
knock down another building? G'ahead! See what we care!" |
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There is something very cool about having a particular
additude in the face of peril. |
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I can not believe this is baked. Not in a million years. I think
you should let it stand because it was certainly not "widely
known to exist". Who would have thunk? |
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On the realist's side, you could never get this place clean
enough to pass an inspection. And if it were, it would look
clearly fake. But my buns don't care about reality... |
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Additional idea, waiterspersons in radiation suits with "geiger counters" that read when the drinks are getting low. So they walk up, point the meter wand thingy at various drinks they see are low, turn up the "crick crick crick" sound button and say "Refill that Moscow's Revenge for you ma'am? |
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It's also not quite the same thing. That one is a Soviet-era
Cold War theme. Mine is set in the aftermath. |
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Yours smokes (literally) theirs sucks. |
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I'd emplore the boner to reconsider, this is actually a timely
and very positive idea. |
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Speaking of smokes, little steam features here and there would blow smoke looking vapor up towards the ceiling where exhaust fans suck them up and blow them out so the place doesn't get too humid. |
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Oooh oooh! When the nukes go off the place lights up with infrared heat lamps for the duration of the blast. |
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First the air raid sirens, then everyone collectively dons
sunglasses just before a huge flashbulb goes off,
temporarily blinding all unprotected eyes. |
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Is this too much? After the simulated nuking, (where everybody cheers) There's a video of an actor playing Putin laughing maniacally, then he stops and the smile drops from his face as he hears the whistling of a bomb dropping (I know, nukes don't whistle, this is art) his eyes look up and he says "der'mo" before the scene explodes. Then everybody claps again. |
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