h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Nobody wants to have to put their finger up a dogs ass.
But I am reliably informed* that the Rottweiler breed of dog will cease and desist an attack on a person if a finger is inserted into it's anus**. I dunno about you, but I don't want to go anywhere near that territory. My informant can go ahead
and be mauled for all I care - my finger *ain't* helpin' him!
To this end I propose a special type of boot with a life-like prosthetic digit protruding from the toe. The shoe itself shall be black and of a sturdy leather construction. It shall be fastened to one's foot by a zip along the side, with a flap to protect any 'output' from the target dog from seeping through. The (pointing) finger will be aligned with the big toe, extending out by 3 inches and be of a smooth, but realistic, rubberised material so as not to cause extra distress.
Should man's former best friend savage someone dear to you then don this shoe. Take a run up. Proceed to put boot-to-ass. The prosthetic will do the gruesome rest.
*if you can call [calum] reliable.
** How he knows this fact, I do not know. I'm afraid to ask.
(?) When it doesn't work, all that's left are the shoes.
http://home1.gte.ne...mas/x98elfshoes.jpg
There's the problem... no Rottweilers. [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) This one's just asking for it...
http://www.interact...enes/rottweiler.jpg
[k_sra, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Scroll down to "Shoe Knives"
http://www.hvu.info...ssia-with-love.html
for the Rosa Klebb even bigger dog anus insertion attachment. [calum, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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Maxwell Smart/
Ah, the ol' prosthetic-finger-on-a-boot in-a-rottweiler's-anus trick, eh?
/Maxwell Smart |
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I'm not sure what I sphincter this idea....but bun for the image.+ |
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soon find out who your friends are, eh? |
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These should be part of the standard uniform of the Police Constable. Armed Response Units should have heated fingers on their boots. |
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Lest anybody think that I know of this natural phenomenon by less than savoury means, I offer the following story.
Many years ago, I spent the long summer months studying the Galapagan Rottweiler in its natural habitat. I had located a prime specimen, gambolling on a particularly picturesque stretch of rocky shore and was in the process of loading the film into the cine camera when my Filipino manservant, Timothy, was overcome with the playful beauty of the beast. He scampered towards it, intending (I found out years later) to tickle its belly and waggle its chops. The beast, being by nature a sensitive, if hulking soul, attacked, its huge hind legs propelling it a full 20 yards through the air in an arc. It clattered into Timothy, who was knocked backward, battering his head against the hard rock and promptly falling unconscious. The dog sank its teeth into Timothy's right leg. Fearing for the integrity of my manservant's arteries, I raced towards the unpleasant scene. Unfortunately, my heavy boots were not ideal footwear for such a frenzied dash across the rocks. Mere feet from the dog, I tripped and, such was my velocity, near flew at the dog, my hands outstretched. By freak coincidence, my left index finger slipped into and up the anus of the offending canine, whose dental grasp was immediately released. No, really. At least, that's the story I told the Galapagan police officers. |
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does it work with sharks? |
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Alas no. If it did, perhaps Timothy would still be with us today. |
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// the Rottweiler breed of dog will cease and desist an attack on a person if a finger is inserted into it's anus // |
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I'd like to know the story behind the first guy who discovered this. |
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So would I. But it would have been a quick investigation -- a researcher could test ten dogs at once. |
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" So I got my finger up this Rotweillers' ass and he's looking at me, like, do I know you"? |
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Then a whole new problem arises - along with a new type of "mauling"... |
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I remember an episode of Beavis and Butthead that went EXACTLY like this ... Beavis got mauled, and Butthead just stood arround and laughed. I presume he had this image spinning arround in his head while he was laughing. |
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This claim seems a bit peculiar until you consider: Is there any sort of creature that won't stop what it's doing and take an interest when someone unexpectedly sticks a finger in its anus? |
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So why a rottweiler particularly? Calum's probably uncovered some sort of general principle. A rottweiler was just the first animal to swallow his wedding ring at a time when he really really couldn't wait to get it back, or that he suspected had a fever and urgently needed its temperature taken, or whatever the story was. |
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You'd certainly meet a lot of new people curious to know why you're carrying a shoe with a finger on it. I don't think many of those acquaintanceships would blossom into friendship, though. |
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Amazing, I've never heard of dogs attacking with their
asses. |
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I heard it was a Staffordshire Pit-bull... |
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Tiger Lily, I have never laughed at any of the comments people put up at this site (which are intended to be funny) until I read yours. If you posted that as a seperate idea i'd give you a croissant! |
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Mind you, I had always wondered why Sooty was such a docile little bear. |
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Very good point [Monkfish]. This shoe could have a much larger market base to work from... I'll need to conduct some <ahem> tests... |
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I would also like to suggest at this time the possibility of the finger having a 'switch knife' property. Maybe the wearer could click their heels together and the finger would appear from a hiding place? |
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*click, click* "There's no place like doggy porn. There's no place like doggy porn." |
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He shook an admonishing boot-finger at me. "Naughty, naughty...THIS is what we put THERE." |
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<cackle> "You, and your little dog too" <cackle> |
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this is very funny, has a sort of '3 stooges try beastiality' feel to it. |
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And the little dog laughed
As he sailed out of sight
For he loved it when [calum] played
"Show-me-the-moon" |
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Reminds me of Police Academy 1... |
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//I've never heard of dogs attacking with their asses// |
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You obviously haven't been listening to folks who live near an animal on a low-grade dog food diet then... |
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