h a l f b a k e r yBunned. James Bunned.
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I say make life more exciting and surreal. I say give our kids a
little fantasy and magic that they can keep with them. Let's
start making lockets in pairs that can be worn around the
neck and distribute them to every newborn child. One part of
the pair goes to a boy, the other to the girl. As
the children
go up, they all have a "magic" locket around their necks. This
is, of course, because the parents will tell them it's magic.
Everyone will be required to tell these kids that the lockets
have magical powers and that if they ever find the girl (or boy)
with the matching locket, they will fall instantly in love or
whatever. This all depends on the power of suggestion, so no
one could ever let this generation of believers on to the fact
that it's a big hoax to give them something to believe in.
These children, then, would live their lives knowing that, amid
all the other uncertainty in their world, the one real thing
they know is that they have a true-love out there to find. Who
knows, the ones who do find their matching mate will
probably actually fall in love and live happily together becaue
they've lived so long believing it would be so.
For a lack of a clear meaning to life, we owe it to our children
to make up some nonesense to hold their world together. (I
may be taking it a little far here; I really meant this idea to be
something fun for the youngsters . . . like Santa Claus.)
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This idea so lacks account for sexual orientation that I am compelled to think that the author is subtly promoting an effective new wipe-out homosexuality campaign... |
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There's a whole genre of traditional folk songs (called 'Broken Token songs') where Willy is going off to the wars and he gives Nancy half of his ring as a promise that, when he returns, they'll be re-united. Aah! |
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What we need to do here is find the correct statistical studies to give us the relative proportions of heterosexuals, homosexuals, transexuals, bisexuals, bestialists, necrophiliacs, etc., etc., and distribute the lockets accordingly. Since genetics cannot yet accurately predict gayness, never mind the more obscure sexual predispositions, this would, of course, result in some alarming but entertaining mismatches, whereby, for example, some young dude discovers his matching locket on the body of a dead, hermaphroditic goat. Multiple matching lockets should be one potential variation (to account for the probability of promiscuity, adultery and divorce, not to mention polygamy and polyandry). I would further suggest that allocation of lockets should be considered a legally-binding contract of marriage (or at least engagement) as in those cultures where wedlock is still pre-arranged by agreements between parents, with no consent required from the children - since whoever has the other locket is, quite clearly, the seeker's ONE TRUE LOVE (whether they be dead goat or the New Jersey Devils). In the spirit of this concept, I hereby volunteer Boney, my own pet dead virtual fish, to satisfy that 0.000001% (or whatever) of necrophiliac, bestial, cybersex-addicts. |
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I like Mephista's reinterpretation of this idea. |
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Yeah, me too. (Are there crocodiles in Kazakhstan?) |
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[Rods Tiger] Your idea improvement is inspired. I especially liked "...it's an invisible one embedded in the childs persona (somehow)" |
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Let me know if you implement this. I'll make sure to register matchmylocket.com and make a bundle. |
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Instead of making two of every locket, create each one to be unique, but (and here's the (very obvious) twist), tell the kids that there is a match out there and they'll find true love yadda yadda yadda. A whole generation of people living in eternal hope for something that will never actually happen. |
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