h a l f b a k e r y"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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Those blokes familiar with the propensity of females to scream and panic on seeing a spider (or indeed anything slightly resembling a spider) will appreciate the utility of the new BorgCo fake spider selection box.
Simply ignore the histrionics and tell the complaint to "get out and stay out" while
you deal with the menace.
Having ascertained the apparent dimensions of the slavering arachnid (which can be up to a metre across the legs*, with glowing eyes, and gigantic fangs dripping venom), fetch your Spider Removal Kit. Take out a fake spider approximating the size of the one described, place it in the special transparent Spider Containment Chamber and slide the rigid plastic Spider Capture Sheet underneath.
Take the assembly and show it to the panic-stricken victim, then go to an external access and throw the "spider" out.
This will placate the victim with a minimum of effort (peering under furniture with a flashlight, etc.).
Later, it may even be possible to retrieve the "spider" and return it to the kit for re-use. Refills are available at a modest charge.
*Some assembly and/or inflation may be required for models more than 150mm in any measurement.
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Sometimes I hold my closed hands near someone and say, "I
have this thing here that I'll give to you, provided you
correctly guess how many legs it has." |
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Well, lots of folks don't seem to want to make that guess --
or even make a wildly wrong guess (is there anything out
there with thirteen legs?). And there I was holding
something as simple as a small bouncy-ball (zero legs). |
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[Vern], that's pure, undiluted evil ... gotta try it. |
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Well, there's always a first time ... |
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The legs are on the inside.. |
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//Those blokes familiar with the propensity of females to scream and panic on seeing a spider// |
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<finishes writing "[8th of 7], Sanitation Department, The Cube, Orbit" on the label of parcel containing "Bumper Box O' Moths"; sniggers> |
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So this is now an all male website? Oh, I forgot, Trump and all
that... |
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