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Engineer Royal
Have a position of long term responsibility for engineering | |
Engineering is quite important. It involves taking the
various
graphs and charts created by scientists from raw,
unrefined
grant money and using them to modify the environment
in some
way. Myself, I am a fan of engineering projects: roads,
sewers, bridges and the
standardized distribution
of electricity, that sort of
thing. Sadly, engineering projects,
particularly big ones, often suffer the interference of
politicians. Politicians turn temporary public favor into
lucrative corporate consultancy gigs in around 6 years
and as
such are often not around for the completion of 10+ year
engineering projects.
This is problematic. For example, the UK is currently
building some offshore wind farms for completion in 2020
<link>.
Now, this is a little embarrassing as the cost for offshore
wind
was 20% more than solar according to the governments
own
estimates in 2015, <link> and solar has been falling at
15%/year
for over a decade. This means it will be twice as
expensive as
solar by the time they switch it on. Assuming, of course
that
the
gentle pussycat that is the North Sea doesn't playfully
bat it
under
the sofa of oblivion within 18 months. Common sense
suggests
that this should be cancelled, and the person responsible
tied to
a
steel tower in the North Sea.
The person responsible, or at least in charge at the time,
was
Ed
Davey <link>. He can't be held responsible because A: he
is no
longer in the post B: the post no longer exists C: the
department
no longer exists D: he's not a member of the government
E: he's
not a member of parliament. Now, his role, obviously
successful,
was recently rewarded with a Knighthood, and he will
probably
spend his remaining days as he spent the last year or so:
banging
on about how much environmental stuff he got built by
those
very
convincing Danish chancers over at Dong energy.
Now, there could be a solution. Governments are a bit
temporary.
We do not, for example, entrust the REALLY important
things to
the will of the people. So how about a Royal
appointment? We
have a few already, Astronomer Royal, Poet Laureate,
that kind
of thing. The general role is to be a steady hand on the
tiller,
saying nothing too controversial and being tediously well
qualified
in their area.
So, we appoint an Engineer Royal. This person should
have
regular
access to the Queen, probably a seat in the Lords, a firm
stare
and a sound grasp of thermodynamics. Four seconds after
receiving a proposal for a transatlantic cycle path, the
Engineer
Royal can have a quiet word with the relevant power
brokers,
calmly explaining that the project is silly because the
Americans
ride on the wrong side. The proposal is shredded and the
minister responsible removed from numerous lists.
Should any stupid projects come to fruition, and the
stupidity of
that project be demonstrably predictable from the
outset, the
Engineer Royal shall
be shot or have their calculator taken, whichever causes
more
humiliation and suffering.
Offshore Wind
http://www.hornseap...development-consent
[bs0u0155, Jan 18 2017]
Energy Cost By Source
https://en.wikipedi...urce#United_Kingdom
[bs0u0155, Jan 18 2017]
Secretary of State for Energy & Climate Change
https://en.wikipedi..._and_Climate_Change
[bs0u0155, Jan 18 2017]
Royal Engineers
https://en.wikipedi...iki/Royal_Engineers
[MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2017]
Hornsea Wind Farm Ticking Along Nicely
https://www.telegra...00000-compensation/
[bs0u0155, Sep 09 2019]
Global Infrastructure Partners
http://global-infra.com/index.php
[bs0u0155, Sep 10 2019]
No More Dong
https://en.wikipedi...3%98rsted_(company)
[bs0u0155, Sep 10 2019]
An example
https://www.bbc.co....and-london-47228698
Boris's Garden Bridge [Frankx, Sep 13 2019]
Engineers Explained
http://bcn.boulder..../engineerhumor.html
From "The Dilbert Principle" [8th of 7, Sep 14 2019]
Scotland-Ireland bridge (and others)
https://en.wikipedi...Britain_and_Ireland
Proposals to build bridges and/or tunnels from British mainland to other places [Frankx, Sep 15 2019]
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I'm sure Herself would be greatly amused. I know I am + |
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What exactly is a temporary pubic flavor? |
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It is a form of hair product found at specialist retailers for
the discerning gentleman, so I've heard. |
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//temporary pubic flavor//
<bc> A misplaced peppermint. </bystander comment> Well, I laughed. |
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Might get a bit political for a task that eminently pragmatic and practical. Who advises the Queen that the Royal Engineer is worthy of her ear? |
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+ This is really good and so well written! A Bravo Bun for you! |
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Royal Engineers already exist. Even better, they are armed and therefore able to enforce decisions. Link. |
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// Royal Engineers already exist. Even better, they are armed and therefore able to enforce decisions. // |
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This is correct. However, a huge accumulation of observational evidence* indicates that the typical decisions made by RE's - depending on rank - fall into a number of very limited categories: |
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For NCOs and Other Ranks, the decisions are: |
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"Is it time for another mug of tea yet ?"
"No-one else knows we're here, right ?"
"There's no risk of us having to do any work, is there ?"
"Got any more of that beer ?"
"When are you going to shift that stuff so I can lie down for a kip ?"
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"Is it time for another gin and tonic yet ?"
"No-one else knows we're here, right ?"
"There's no risk of us having to do any work, is there ?"
"Is this the best port you've got ?"
"Is there anything round here we can blow up without someone complaining ?"
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Such decisions do not, by and large, require any form of enforcement. |
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The problems are exacerbated by the extreme difficulty of actually finding RE's, who have finely honed skills in camouflage and concealment which they employ against friend and foe alike, a range of vehicles superbly adapted for rapid travel in all terrains, and a propensity to vanish over the horizon in the event of a threat, for example the prospect of rain, or their ultra-sensetive antennae detecting that someone might actually try to get them to do some work. |
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*We are aware that a mere accumulation of observational evidence does not constitutute proof, but it is a useful indication of general tendencies. |
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Oh, you've actually witnessed this, have you ? |
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Sorry, but "Royal Engineers working" is in the same category as Nessie, UFO sightings, and The Ark of the Covenant. |
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Lots of claims, never any solid evidence. |
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Making and drinking tea is work, I do it regularly. |
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Do you make the tea (a) solely for your own consumption, or (b) to share with others (outside your own immediate group/clan/section)? |
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If (a), do you perform this "work" in an open and obvious way, or do you act in a carefully considered quiet and stealthy manner, in order to effectively conceal from those you consider do not "need to know" that in fact you know the whereabouts of tea-preparation materials and are familiar with their use, or indeed once made that tea exists - or do you slink off discreetly to consume said tea in isolation and silence, for fear that anyone else might become posessed by the absurd notion that you might actually share the fruits of your labours with others without the pre-payment of some lavish reward out of all proportion to the effort you've made ? |
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Do you ever experience mysterious unexplained stabbing pains, such as might for example result from bitter, resentful and above all thirsty colleagues making wax effigies of you and stabbing them with blunt needles in an attrmpt to employ sympathetic magic to gain revenge on some idle, inconsiderate selfish blighter who makes tea for himself and one ir two favoured cronies, but never, ever offers to share the tea with anyone else - yet is astonishingly rapid in exploiting the smallest opportunity to scavenge anything drinkable or edible from anyone else, even if it means kicking one-legged blind orphan match-girls into a rain-filled gutter and stealing and scoffing without remorse the first hot beverage they've had in days ? |
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What do you do for fun, drown baby pandas in a bucket of water ? The long winter evenings must simply fly by ... |
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Hello, [halfshilling]; welcome to the 'bakery. |
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<<Governments are a bit temporary>> |
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Could we replace all of them with engineers, do you think? |
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^ Ok perhaps the government could become some sort of advisory committee; a sort of 'citizen's review panel' maybe. But not empowered to take decisions. If their advice is pure shite, self-contradictory, infeasible, short-termist or purely political it can be safely ignored when planning projects. |
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// replace all of them with engineers // |
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Yes; but the world would be very, very different, and for the majority of the population incomprehensible and very, very odd. |
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It would not be a bad place; in many ways it would be infinitely better than the current arrangements. |
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This is quite silly. Politicians have been saving the
world by preventing great things from getting done
for eons. Just imagine the state of the Amazon if
every engineer that came along throughout history
was allowed to act uninhibited creating their
fondest desires as soon as they organized the
resources. Why, there wouldn’t be one truffula
tree left, the world would be one mass of
pavement, rather like Coruscant with much worse
air. No, it’s only by the slow incompetence of
politicians that we’ve any natural resources left to
exploit tomorrow. |
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Oops I didn't quite think that through did I. |
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Ah, you're a politician, then. |
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// we’ve any natural resources left to exploit tomorrow.// |
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To quote from a favourite bumper sticker*, "EARTH FIRST ! We'll strip-mine the other planets afterwards." |
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*But better is "I brake for Hobbits and Unicorns". |
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Just as an update to my example, the windfarm in question
is now being managed by Ørsted <link>, Dong was not a good
name apparently. 1/2 the project has been sold to a slightly
vaguely named company called Global Infrastructure
Partners <link>. The Capacity already installed is ticking
along nicely making powe cuts <link> and Ed Davey is back
in Parliament, altough not in any form of power. |
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//managed by Ørsted// I've never understood why these
Scandinavian types do that. Why not just omit the leading
zero instead of crossing it out? |
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[Frankx] I just accidentally deleted your annoying.
Many apologies! |
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Ah, yes, I’m often told i’m Annoying!
I’ve forgotten what I was rambling about, so I’ll
have a think and come back later. |
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Like the Engineer Royal idea though |
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// Why not just omit the leading zero instead of crossing it out? // |
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Most likely they're using a version of FORTRAN 66 with limited capability for formatted text output. |
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//deleted your annoying.// |
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Anno! I'm just digging deeper here! |
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No worries! I was just agreeing that an Engineer
Royal was a good idea. I have been pondering over
whether a Systems Engineering approach might be
useful for running the country. Defining
requirements and measuring performance against
relevant metrics. Poll the nation on specific top-
level requirements.
Also [link] as another example of a politically
driven failure (the Garden Bridge). And what about
the new idea - a bridge from Ireland to Scotland! |
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We will hand over the podium to our esteemed colleague Mr. Scott Adams to field that particular question. |
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// a bridge from Ireland to Scotland! // |
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The proposal for a fixed link between Galloway and the Province has been discussed since Victorian times. Tbe optimum solution is a tunnel, although Beaufort's Dyke presents a formidable geologic challenge. |
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It can be done if someone's prepared to throw enough m0ney at the problem. |
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There's an interesting Wikipedia page on the topic.. |
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Added [link] for Scotland - Ireland bridge. |
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A 2018 estimate was £Bn15 - 20. |
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But there's still the ~million tonnes of munitions, including
decaying chemical weapons and radioactive waste to deal
with. Ooh joy! |
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