Energizer Burny

First thing I did was arrange the letters on our sign to say;
[PRIVATE SIGN]
[DO NOT READ]

Then I hung a sign on our bulletin board;
[TEARABLE PUNS] with little perforated slips at the bottom reading [pun].
I've had to replace it twice now because people want them for some reason.

The latest one I want to do is a clear plastic jar full of different batteries next to the merchandise in the office that reads;
[BATTERIES!]

[FREE OF CHARGE!]
It makes me schnarfle.

...but then I was joking with my wife about how our batteries seem to keep finding themselves new homes every time we make another city run so we could just open all the packages and dump them all into the battery pun-jar which nobody is ever going to take a battery from, and we will always know where they are and never lose any of them again... ever!... and I actually considered it for a second there.

...and then I wondered, what are the odds of those live ends of those fully charged batteries making random connections, depending on how they're shaken, overheating and then spontaneously combusting, just because it would be a monumentally stupid thing to do?

...

Do we need new warning labels on batteries for pun addicts?

Tell me I'm not the bucket-of-fresh-batteries burning your house down poster child.