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Mad [and/or Evil] Scientists can no longer be satisfied with the same old knife switches, test tubes and corny Jacobs Ladders that used to populate the standard dungeon laboratory. Modern technology has passed them by... until now!
GROGco is proud to introduce the Electrostatic Keyboard. It is essentially
a flat panel with raised bumps for the keys. As the Mad Scientist's fingers play over the keys with reckless abandon, highly charged electric bolts of death seem to follow his fingers.
A foot pedal increases the voltage (and optional organ music) so that as his demented mind produces what will surely become the next affront to society, he may correspondingly increase the appearance of the carnage playing out beneath his hands! As the eerie light streams up from the keyboard, it bathes his face in stark shadows perfect for pictures taken from his Evil Webcam.
MWHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!
Organ music and Evil Webcam sold separately.
(...Neck bolts may yet make a comeback...)
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Why was this idea not brought t... oh. [+] |
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I do think your mad scientist is going to need to wear the equivalent of a thimble on each finger and thumb. You want the electric discharges to pass between metal and the keyboard, not between flesh (ouch!) and the keyboard, just like you generally don't want to touch a grounded metal object on a cold dry day when you've accumulated some significant static-electric charge. |
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With the thimbles, though, painless typing at full speed becomes quite possible. |
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I count 9 keys required:
M, W, A, H, ! = 5
Also <Enter>, <Del> (because even evil scientists make mistakes) = 2
<F1> for help
Finally, a programmable function key to start countdowns and other mad scientist thingies. |
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By the way, there's no Escape... |
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[Ling], what about "You Fools ! I'll crush you all! " ? The
exclamation mark is vital, even for manic laughter. |
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[Vernon], thimbles would not be required since the membrane covering the keyboard (composed of a material specially prepared from cadaver epidermis) is non conductive. The "lightning" follows the fingers in the same manner as a common electrostatic globe. |
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[Ling], (and [8th]) HAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!! Your keyboard modifications were immediately adopted by the group of Mad [and/or] Evil Scientists the GROGco Testing Laboratory brought in as consultants. Of [Ling] they said, "...We like this guy! Let's kill him last!..." Of [8th] they said, "...let's take out its brain(s) and use it to power our new Evil Hand Sanitizer of Doom..." |
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[Grogster], okay, that makes sense; it just wasn't clearly stated in the main text. However, I think it is not mad enough. The real mad scientist would want actual and dangerous sparks flying through the open air. The mere appearance of danger is for wimps --Real Mad Scientists have CONTROL of such dangers, see? |
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[8th] The Borg not working well, Eh? The exclamation mark was not forgotten! It is there! You simply missed it! Read it again! |
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[Vernon], if it is any sort of consolation, proximity to the keyboard DOES give you hair similar to Einstein (Quite fashionable in the M[a/o]ES community via the Evil Webcam). Perhaps we could incorporate the Mortal Danger function into the foot pedal, if fully depressed... (Depressed = The Foot Pedal, not the M[a/o]ES) |
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[8th], don't worry about that whole "I seem to be missing my brain(s)" thing --- just have the hive colony ship you some new ones. I have heard that the new Borg Brain Mark XXVII has a new Halloween Cat Recognition feature that is sure to be a hit... |
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