Electrostatic Boots

Attractive as van-de-graaff generators are, they would nonetheless be somewhat cumbersome if fitted to one's boots. But the technology exists to generate a very high voltage in a tiny, battery-powered format, as in a taser.

The very bottom of the sole of an Electrostatic Boot is impregnated with aluminium to make it conductive. Clicking the heels and raising a boot a few inches from the ground begins the sequence. A grounding electrode springs down and a high tension is developed between the ground and the underneath of the shoe. Since the rest of the boot is insulated, the wearer remains at a relatively isolated voltage.

And why would you wear Electrostatic Boots? To expunge the proletarian need to wipe your feet, of course. Particles of dirt find themselves both repelled by the sole and attracted to the earth. When you start to hear the cracking of electrical arcs (avoid eye contact), the cleaning process is complete, the electrode retracts and you may tread without fear of mucking the carpet.

Also functions as an impromptu cigarette lighter, and if you're standing in the right type of acid, the boots can self-electroplate. Bling.